Why don't I feel happy

Diagnosed with melanoma spread to liver therefore stage 4 and incurable July24.  My immunotherapy coming to an end and through my treatment my tumourcdid not shrink but I was still glad it wasn't getting bigger. I was so happy to be alive and apart from extreme fatigue which meant I could no longer work I was coping well. 2 weeks ago I had the shock of my life I was sent for. PET scan and although my tumourcstill there it isn't cancer it is now like a water blister/ cyst.  So for now I have been told no cancer showing and I have complete response to treatment. The first week I was numb and couldn't believe it. Now I feel so strange as if the cancer was my new identity and thats been taken away from me. Who am I now? I am still a shell of the person I once was do lots of people feel like this. Im so confused and feel so ungrateful.  Also it was a comfort thinking g I would pass before my husband and now im worrying about him going before me cos I couldn't cope with that.  My treatment has left me with addisins disease aswell which doesnt help as stress is amplified with this condition and exhaustion follows...

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  • Hello Zo-zo

    I'm going to start by saying how good it is to hear that you've had such a fantastic response to treatment and that the specialists have told you that you have no evidence of cancer. I can only imagine how much of a shock it was to be given that news. 

    I'm also going to say that the feelings you've described are not unusual. You had been given a diagnosis that I suspect was devastating and overwhelming at times. You've been through treatment, had to accept that there were some costs to this (Addison's and fatigue) and had thought about what the future might look like for you. Honestly, it's not surprising that you've been left questioning "Who am I and what's next". 

    I'm going to tag in a member @davek

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  • Hello Zo-zo

    I'm going to start by saying how good it is to hear that you've had such a fantastic response to treatment and that the specialists have told you that you have no evidence of cancer. I can only imagine how much of a shock it was to be given that news. 

    I'm also going to say that the feelings you've described are not unusual. You had been given a diagnosis that I suspect was devastating and overwhelming at times. You've been through treatment, had to accept that there were some costs to this (Addison's and fatigue) and had thought about what the future might look like for you. Honestly, it's not surprising that you've been left questioning "Who am I and what's next". 

    I'm going to tag in a member @davek

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