This time last year my husband of 40 years was diagnosed with bladder and kidney cancer.

A year of radical surgery to remove both, leaving him with a urostomy and the biggest scar. That then followed by 8 cycles of chemo having been told it wouldn't be necessary, theorectically his treatment has finished. 

He is having ongoing issues with severe hyperkaleamia, back pain, leaking bags and general tiredness. 

Don't get me wrong I'm so grateful that he's here and outwardly come through the whole ordeal, BUT I seem to be in limbo. What happens next, how do I cope with the new normal and do we assume that's it no more treatment. 

How selfish is that but it's how I'm feeling.