Hi Mag15

Just read your post and thought id reach out to you. You say its 14mths scince you finished treatments  and  are struggling with a low mood,just about functioning at work and struggling

This is quite normal after what youve been through,it changes you somewhat and  none of us thinks it will do that,not nice but it does

You always have thoughts about what if it returns ,how would i cope,i dont feel the same as i was before i was diognosed , theres so much going on in your brain,so many thoughts ,so many whst ifs etc, etc,its no wonder we feel we are struggling and not functioning the way we used to

Truth is were the same on the outside,the side people see,but on the inside our inner fears and thoughts change us

We need to be more kind to our selves, we should be proud of ourselves ,and not so hard in ourselves , weve come through a really difficult time in our lives ,i try to stay positive  and think positive thoughrs ,im five years on from being diognosed with breast cancer, in May 2020 ,which had spread to my lymothnodes ,so lumpectony and all lympthnodes wete removed. 8 rounds if chemotherapy,15 rounds if radiotherapy . Previously years before i had to have a right side  bowel ressection ,and small piece of my intedtine taken away,as i had pre cancerous cells on a flat sessile polyp which contained high grade dysplacia. I had to have a hernua repair not long after thar,as my bowel came through my stomach wall . Then i got gall stones,( still have ). Then i broke both my wrists at the same time,so two plastercasts . .  Were put on. . Now im under a gynocologist as ive been diognosed with vin 3 of yhe vulver ( ore cancerouus cells) i have yearly check.ups. 

But i tell myself im lucky thede things were found and treated ,im luckt to still be here,im gratefull for every second of every day and night. Yes im not the same as u used to be,i definetly do not have the enetgy i used to have,but im here and im gratefull for that. 

Please be more patient with yourself,be kinder to yourself,you are worth it ,we all feel different after going through what weve been through ,as i said its normal. I do hope ive helped lift your mood . Always on  hear i from time to time if you need to chat .

Thank you for your kind words. You have been through so much more. I know in reality I should always think of the positive. It’s hard. U literally feel my brain does not produce enough dopamine anymore.  Time will tell. 

good luck to you. You sound like a warrior.