Hi Spenno

You've been through a punishing regime of treatment. And now the last phase, radiotherapy. You are nearly there so dont give up now. This is the lowest point, having no energy, pain and suffering with depression as your body tries to recover. A week or so after your last radiotherapy session you will start feeling a bit better and will continue to do so over the following months. If think you came here looking for support. if your hospital has any support services take advantage and use them. If you were assigned a Macmillan nurse contact them. You can chat to the nurses on the phone here too. 

Ed

Hello Spenno,

                        your looking for the reassurance that all the pain, misery and half existence you have endured will have been worth it. The good news is that it can be, the worse news is that it will take a lot more effort from you to make that happen. You are likely at the point where you have realised that you are not going to wake up one morning, or flick a light switch on and hey presto normality returns.

l well remember where dragging my feet across 200 metres of hospital pavements to be able to collapse onto a bed in the accommodation block after 5 minutes of radio was akin to climbing Everest with a bag of cement tied to both ankles.

That set the tone for my recovery, effort and collapse, get back up, effort and collapse, and repeat constantly. During this recuperation, l tended my sheep and cattle, and built a retirement house, the key being motivation, the frustration being my mind always setting targets beyond my then current abilities, the aspirations being able to climb that bloody Mountain once more

It comes to those who are prepared to make it a reality, it comes hard,  it comes slowly, it comes hardly noticeable week on week, month on month, then one day much further down the road you suddenly give yourself a break from that never ending slog of grinding forward and realise the distance you have travelled from despair to a future where all things are possible once more

Ten years on from stage 4 bowel and liver resections,chemo radio pre surgery, chemo post surgery, stoma reversal l look back on a hard road travelled, a newlife unfolded and the joy of discovery in what lies ahead

Was it worth the effort in the dark days, l will leave you to decide.

Best wishes for your journey,

David

David you could not describe that period of despair any better. It takes a lot of resolve to get through it. I did so 11 years ago major surgery radiotherapy to neck throat etc. during which time a bad investment lost me most of my money. I was in the pit of despair. A year recovering and I have had a good 10 years life since. Hard physical work farming long hours. Great holidays, got married, seen my grandchildren arrive. Sadly the cancer is back with no cure but good palliative care with immunotherapy. I'm still enjoying life to the utmost of my ability. I hope that Spenno will share our good fortune.

Ed

Hi Sperno 

Its quite natural to feel as you do while going through cancer treatments,its a tough regime. 

Instead of beating yourself up when you look in the mirror, you should be looking at yourself with a different way of thinking ,you should be congrating yourself on just how far you've come,your amazing you really are ,just as all us cancer warriors are, we never expected  to be diognosed with cancer it, and its tough at times,we all have days feeling like you do,but we pick ourselves up dust ourselves down,and get on with it,we have no other choice if we value our lives. Try to have a day just for you, doing things that you find interesting, calming ,fun,that diesnt expert you . Watching a good film ,going to the cinema with a friend, a bit of shopping  treat yourself to something new,  go fir a nice meal ( if you get the energy) if not order a takeaway away . Anything really that is going to.make you feel a bit better.

Each day of treatments,is getting you nearer to the finishing line,where you will be able to ring that bell,if your hospital has one,mine did I rang the bell ,and it felt so good. You will get there,and you will start to see  you in the mirror  again.  Always here if you need a chat or let of steam .x

Thank you David - you sound like an amazing person

Thank you ️ on better days I can see this but some days are just too hard and my post was one such period. I think the roller coaster is the hardest as just when I feel I'm getting somewhere, it hits again and I have no energy, desperate thoughts about the future and simply "what's the point". Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. Very grateful