I was actually born with jaw bone cancer didn't get noticed till I was 3 or 4 I was on a test chemo meaning it was still getting researched at the time I was on chemo for 3-5 years told it was benign and full discharged at 12 I'm 22 now and I just get flashes of memories of all the kids I knew and In the middle of the night the alarms going off and them being taken away when I was younger I was fed stories that they got better lived lives but now I know that isn't true I look at me one of the only ones that did get out and I've done nothing with my life I feel ungrateful for my second chance I often wonder what if it were me that died and one of them survived would they have done better than me I feel like I don't deserve to be the one that survived I wasted my life that was already a miracle why was it me and not one of them how do I deal with the guilt of being the healthy one