Could possibly be down to any drugs he was prescribed. I am on hormone therapy for prostate cancer, and both the diagnosis and my hormone therapy drugs have changed the way I feel. I experience extremes, often not sleeping (which is exhausting) and being down in the dumps, and worried about the future. Maybe discuss this with his doctor? Without knowing what you know, I would council patience and understanding, because he may feel he is facing this on his own. Despite having a caring and loving family, I often feel like that, and blokes araely admit to being scared. We all  have expectancies of what our future will be, and his have changed dramatically. Don't underestimate the shock of such a change. Being supportive isn't easy, because your feelings can take quite a buffeting too, but it is vital. CRUK and MacMillan nurses are well worth talking to.

Hi Thanks for the advice. The problem being he won't talk to anyone even though he admits he's changed. He wouldn't be bothered if me and the kids left him. He says he loves us but just isn't bothered anymore by anything and has no empathy. I'm hanging on by a thread as I know it's not him and I've been here as his punch bag through it all and always will be but I'm so depressed and hurt by him. I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought once he rang the bell and had the all clear it may change but instead he's gone worse

Hello Scattymoo

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It's obviously been an incredibly difficult time for you and I can imagine that you're feeling overwhelmed by things. 

You mention in your post that you've been his punchbag through all of this. I'm unsure if you mean this in a physical or metaphorical sense but either way, it's not OK that you're being treated like this. Abuse can come in many forms. If you want to talk with someone, you can contact Women's Aid for advice and support. 

What support do you have from family and friends Scattymoo? Please reach out to a trusted friend or family member to confide in for support if you've not already done so. I'd also really encourage you to talk with your GP about your mood and how you're feeling. It may be that they can offer some advice and support that will help you all. 

If you think it may help to talk with one of our nurses you can contact them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm (excluding bank holidays). And don't forget that Samaritans are available 24/7 365 days a year as well. 

I know this is a really difficult time for you all Scattymoo. It may be that your husband doesn't want to accept help from you or anyone else at the moment. You do however have a choice about your welfare and that of your children so please reach out to a trusted friend or family member and contact your GP for support with how you're feeling. 

Hopefully some of the other forum members will reply to share their advice and words of support as well. Please know that we're here for you. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hi Scatty

Whiskers account of his experience is very much my own too and possibly your husbands.

It takes so much energy physical and mental to get through cancer and treatment that you often have none left over for your loved ones or anyone else, this can appear as being a bit selfish. This continues even when you are recovering and getting better. With cancer we all suffer depression to a greater or lesser extent and it sounds like your husband is no exception. I'm sure he would be gutted if you and the children left him at this time, it would be a cruel action to take.

Partners of those going through cancer suffer as much as those with cancer. You need some support too. At our hospital there is a drop in facility for such support for cancer patients and their families in an informal atmosphere. If your hospital has similar, they may be able to help you and your family find a way forward. The nurses here can also give you support over the telephone. Maybe give them a call in the New Year.

Nothing is easy with cancer

Ed

I haven't been there, but it is said that treatment can affect you for some time after it ends even. Your description sounds like it could be depression to me, and I would suggest going to your GP. Other than that, I am out of my depth.

I agree.