Relationship break up

Hi, I finished my treatment in November 23 after a tough final few months of chemo and major surgery. As I was starting to feel better in January my partner of 6 years told me she wanted to break up. She gave me reasons including the romance had gone from our relationship as well as the emotional intimacy and various other reasons.

i was diagnosed with stage 3 oesophageal cancer back in January of 23 my first 2 months of chemo was not to bad as I kept myself pretty fit throughout maintaining the gym on a regular basis and good diet and a super positive attitude. In July I underwent major surgery which was a success, then followed by another 2 months of chemo which hit me like a tun of bricks and j found it incredibly hard physically and emotionally I was really sick, I also had a feeding tube throughout this period 3 months, I also found this incredibly hard and lost about 17 kilos in weight through the whole process. I became very grumpy and my mood swings where not good and I was snapping at my partner and her children I was not a very pleasing person on to be around. Through all of this my partner was my rock and she was there for me throughout the treatment. I had my scan results in December and they were all good. From this moment on she was really focused I the fact I was better and any time I showed concern she told me I was being negative etc. on the 8th jan she declared we where over and I moved out at the  start of Feb. One of the other reasons she gave me was that I had become a trigger and my behaviour reminded her of other triggers from her past (she is a recovering alcoholic 15 years) I am finding it all very hard to process the breakdown of our relationship and the last 6 months of treatment it’s all very blurry and a bit surreal. There had been very little contact, and one thing that sticks out in the contact we have had my ex has never asked how I’m feeling how it’s going health wise it’s almost like it never happened. 

hopping for some advice or a perspective on my situation. 

thanks 

  • Hello Soulboy67, 

    Thank you sharing your moving story. How heartbreaking it must have been for you to go through this break up after everything you went through with this gruelling cancer treatment. Unfortunately, cancer can affect relationships and Macmillan have interesting information on cancer diagnosis and relationships you might be interested in reading. You went through a lot of physical suffering at the time and it's understandable that you might not have been in the best of moods at times; it's nice that you could count on your partner then at a time when you needed it the most but obviously you didn't expect this to happen once you were better. 

    It must be hard for you to process all this at the moment and it must all feel a bit surreal to you. It might help to talk to someone about everything you've been through. Have a look at the charity Relate - they specialise in relationship support and can put you in touch with a relationship counsellor. It might help for you to talk things through with someone. You've been through a lot both on a physical and emotional level and I hope that you can talk to someone about this. 

    Other members of our community will have been through something like this before and I wanted you to know you are not alone and there is help available to help you overcome this difficult time. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator