Mental struggle

Hello everyone and I hope you don’t find my post too depressing. I apologise in advance if this is the case.

I feel like everyone is so very brave and positive apart from myself! I am gloomy, depressed and find it hard to see a future.

I have had op and am now on chemo.

Anyway, I think I needed to vent and again, I apologise if this isn’t the most positive post.

I live alone and am fairly isolated. 

I feel guilty for moaning to family and friends and feel like I’m a burden and annoyance and like they are avoiding me. (No one been in touch lately).

Thank you for letting me post here!

 I’m not sure what I’m asking, if anything lol but thank you again for reading! 

Best wishes

  • Hi Jayjay,

    Your post isn’t depressing. Many (most) of us here will be able to identify with what you’ve said. 

    I was diagnosed last month with breast cancer and had a single mastectomy last week. So many people have told me how brave I am, but I can assure you I haven’t been feeling that way! I’ve just been holding it together while I’ve been around other people. 

    I’m sure you must feel a bit isolated going though this treatment when you live alone. If you don’t want to ‘moan’ to family and friends, keep checking in here. We all know how you are feeling. It’s difficult for other people to fully understand if they haven’t been through it themselves. Some of my friends have disappeared since my diagnosis- I think they just don’t know what to say or do, and maybe feel a bit helpless. Others have been amazing, although the most helpful and supportive have been friends who have had cancer treatment at some point.

    Have you considered any of the support groups in your area? There are MacMillan centres near me that offer drop in sessions, groups with other cancer patients, or you can just go and chat to one of the lovely volunteers there, or sometimes a counsellor. It’s all free. You may find there is something similar connected with your hospital, or perhaps a Maggie’s centre? My hospital MacMillan centre also offers yoga and Pilates sessions, which again are free. It would be a good way of socialising with people in the same situation as you. 

    I hope you soon start feeling better xx 

  • Thanks so much!

     I’ve become so terrified of talking to anyone in a professional type of capacity! I’m constantly on edge. 

    I know there is help in the form of counselling etc and I know this sounds wimpy, but I’m kind of paralysed with fear a lot of the time. I end up just wanting to sleep as I can find a certain release although I know this isn’t the answer.

    I fear getting up out of bed every day and just want to hide under the duvet (off work currently). 
    The thought of facing another day of total fear often defeats me!

     My purpose of posting here was I think to vent and also to see if anyone has any similar experiences so I thank you again for your reply.

     My intention isn’t to bring anyone down!

    I may try to find a local group (preferably online).

     Sending you all of my best wishes

  • Offline in reply to Jayjay71

    JJ I was so sad to read your post . If you don’t mind me saying you seem to be overwhelmed with everything ., which is understandable . Please find the courage to speak to your Gp first of all . Maybe some mild anti depressants would help .Obviously I wouldn’t presume to diagnose , but I would strongly advise you to give Maggie’s a call . You could chat over the phone or make an appointment to go in and talk. Cancer is a very personal journey , some “ friends “ are not there for you , others are . I wish you well and send you a big hug xx

  • Offline in reply to LCR

    Hi and thank you for your very kind reply.

     It hasn’t been an easy year as I have terrible anxiety which I’ve had all my life, so already on a high dosage of anti depressants what a mess I am!!

    I am finding it very overwhelming!

    I will try Maggies as a few people have mentioned so maybe will check it out.

    I think it’s easy to feel a bit left behind in the world when everyone seems comparatively more optimistic although I know this isn’t always the case. 

    I feel I’m pushing people away in my life because when I break down they seem to ‘disappear’ somewhat. I suppose everyone has their own difficulties of course so it isn’t easy.

     This week two wonderful MacMillan nurses have supported me lots to check on me to make sure I’m ok which has really helped.

     I’m seeing my friend tomorrow which will be nice. So something to look forward to.

    I hope you are happy

  • Offline in reply to Jayjay71

    It’s good to read that you have some support , and you will always find it on here. Maggie’s is a fantastic charity and helped me enormously when I had a bit of a meltdown , so please consider contacting them x I hope you have a nice day with your friend tomorrow xx

  • Offline in reply to LCR

    Oh thank you! I will most definitely try xx

    I hope you have a great weekend x