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10 months since my dad died

elliexf_
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Hello, 

I feel weird typing on here I used this forum 10 months ago when my dad died from lung and brain cancer, I’m still feeling the same. It feels like no time has passed and it was just yesterday. I’ve been really struggling with stress and anxiety.. especially at work. I cut down to two shifts a week which is good but I keep making mistakes I literally have anxiety when I wake up in the morning and I cry myself to sleep most nights because of the death of my dad. I’m trying to rediscover life again but I keep hitting walls. My anxiety is so crippling and my confidence is gone. I’m unsure what to do. I just want to take a break from everything quit my job and just start again after a few months. the question is do I go on anti depressants or see a councillor again even though the grief counselling didn’t really help the first time. I just feel so lost and I miss him so much. Focusing on work is not giving me a distraction it’s just giving me stress and panic attacks. I’ve told them i’m struggling and not getting any support. which sucks.

I just want my old life back

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    Hello elliexf_, 

    I am so sorry to hear that 10 months on, the grief of losing your dad is hitting you hard - it is not unusual to still be feeling the same after several months and the feeling that time has been on stand still, that it all only happened yesterday is one that many of our members who have lost a loved one will recognize. It must be really hard for you to cope sometimes at work - and now is a time when you would really need a supportive work environment and it seems that work has been a source of stress and anxiety and it's a real shame that they are not offering any support. It sounds like you are not very happy at work and it's a time when it would be a welcome distraction so perhaps you could start thinking about your professional options, look for other jobs but if you can, take your time doing so as it's often easier moving into another job while you are still employed. Perhaps you could try and talk to your GP about how you are feeling, how you are still very much affected by the loss of your dad and they may have some good suggestions for you whether it is medication you could try or perhaps additional grief counselling. Do mention that grief counselling didn't help much the first time and ask if there are other sessions you could try which might be helpful to you. 

    There is sadly no magic formula for coping with grief as grief is very personal and you might go through a range of complex and often overwhelming feelings - the two things that seem to help most are time and support which is why it is so important that they give you the support you need at work to help you get over this incredibly difficult time. Our page on coping with grief will I hope give you some useful advice.

    Other members of our forum have sadly also lost a loved one to cancer and have been in your position before so I will now let them come and say hello and share their story with you. We are thinking of you during this difficult time and wanted you to know that you are not alone. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

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