As a partner of someone who also went through extensive treatment, I can maybe sympathise with your wife to an extent. My wife handled the diagnosis, the treatment and other stuff like a champ. We have spoken about it, and she's still adamant that she was every bit as confident as she was showing outwardly.

Me, not so much. During it all, i was fine because the wife was coping with it, and I was feeding off her attitude. Afterwards is a different story completely, for me once treatment had ceased, received good news etc etc. It began to mentally affect me once i had time to sit down and think it all through. Although I don't feel panicky whatsoever, i began to experience intermittent shortness of breath. I assumed it might be a heart issue so went to the docs pronto. Had ecg's, heart scans chest scans etc and all came back fine. So the cardiologist said it was panic attacks. But here's the thing, at no point was my heart racing. It felt fine. So I still don't totally buy into the clear bill of health thing, but the tests i had would have shown up an issue.

Though, the panic attacks do make sense as I've come out of the last two years a changed person. No one, even partners. Regardless of what they think, comes out of a cancer diagnosis the same person they were before cancer even was a thing in their immediate life.  You hear all these ironman/women stories about how they are a stronger person for it, but I now know that isn't the case for everyone. I felt like *** if truth be told. I struggle and still have some struggles, but me and the wife still get on the same, so no issues on that front. I just feel different.

As for you and your wife, you have 2 options, seek counselling and have some frank and truthful conversations and see if that works out, or walk away. The latter sounds harsh, but after the stuff you've faced in the recent past, do you really want to waste any more of your life stuck in a dead end relationship? Obviously the latter is extreme, but having had the "we get one life" thing shoved my my face, I plan to appreciate the life i have, and not waste it on trivial stuff or being stuck in an unhappy situation.