Hello.

Need some advice if possible as I can't find anyone in same situation as me and I'm frightened.

I have a 10 almost 11 year old boy. When he was 2.5 I was diagnose with renal ewings sarcoma. It was on my kidney. It took 4 months to even get a scan from my doctor they thought I was a hyper condriact. When the scan did finally happen they found a mass..within moments I was having an emergency ct scan.

Two days later i was contacted and had an appointment for surgery. Before hand I had to see a keyhole surgery doctor..he showed me my ' mass' it was the size of a rugby ball that had engulfed my left kidney. He told me he could never get that out via keyhole so referred me next day onto another doctor. I was told it was unlikely to be cancer... told me i might have to lose part of my lung, my whole spleen and some of my bowels if it was all connected.I had the 6 hour op to which they told me they scooped it out like ice cream. Thankfully didn't have to have anything else taken out besides the whole left kidney and the tumour and 1y lymph nodes.

The surgeon told me it looked like cancer.

Two weeks later whilst recovering at home I had a phonecall to confirm it was cancer and it was extremely rare especially the place I had it.

I had two more weeks to recover from my open Nephrectomy before I started intense chemo.

Intense isn't even a strong enough word to describe it. It was hell.  I lost so much weight I could barely open my eyes for the first two weeks after chemo. I lost 5 stone in weight the mouth ulcers were so bad I could barely drink water. I fainted loads of times.

Anyway 10 months after I finally finished my two different doses of chemo.

Then I just got on with my life my hair grew back , I got to be a proper mum again and here i am 8 years later on the yearly scans.

Only I've had abit of a shock this week.

I was told I'd be infertile after my chemotherapy I didn't have the chance to stop eggs as I wanted to start chemo straight away incase there was anymore lingering in my body.

Just found out im  two weeks pregnant and I havnt stopped crying. I'm so so scared of a reoccurence during pregnancy, I can't find any good stories online and I'm scared out of my wit. My son is the most important person to me in my life he is a mammy boy through and through and I'm so scared of going ahead with this  pregnancy and possibly not being here for him because of it.

I'm so scared anyone else been in the same situation and everything was OK?

I don't know what to do I feel so so sad I can't keep my emotions intact.