Owen 

so sorry about mum 

you tsje as much time as you possibly can don't rush back look after yourself first out yourself first your job comes 2nd 

Take care Lara 

Hi Owen,

I am so sorry to hear that you still feel like this and are struggling. It is still early days for you to come to terms with your loss and I hate to tell you that there are still a number of hurdles for you to jump through - all those first public holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc, are a challenge too.

If you look up the different stages of grief online, you may get a better understanding of where you're at. It may help you to realise that you are going through a process and we all do this in our own time. 

Although you don't feel like going back to work, you may find that it will help you to get a little normality back in your life and to focus on other people's problems instead of your own. You are expecting too much of yourself to be back to normal yet. This is a much slower process than you think and can takes years in some cases. You will gradually come to accept your loss, but you will always hold your mum close in your heart.

I am sure that your mum wouldn't want to see you so upset by her passing. You were there for her to the end and supported her to the end. Do you have any family or friends who you can talk to about how you are feeling? If not, would you consider seeing a counsellor? Many people find that this can help to put things into context for you. You don't just bounce back after a loss like this, you need to slowly start to move forward and aim to make your mum proud, in all that you do in life.

You will be dreading returning to work and having to answer the questions from well-meaning colleagues, but this passes quickly. You may even find that support may come from one of them, who have previously experienced their own losses and know wat you are going through.

Do you have a nice photo of your mum? I put one of my mum in a prominent place and often found myself talking to her through this. I know that this may sound daft, but I found it a great solace to start with. It is now 26 years since I lost my mum and I still miss her every day in life, but the pain is no longer as raw as it was to start with. My family have achieved many milestones, which I know that she would have been so proud of and I'm so thankful to her for laying down the foundations, the drive and determination for us to accomplish these.

As I think I said to you before, an experience like this makes you stronger and it will help you in your nursing career, if you ever have to deal with death.

I am thinking of you and am always here for you. You have taken the first brave step, in asking for help - don't be afraid to reach out for any support that's available.

Kind regards,

Jolamine 

Thankyou so much for your kind words, I deal with death at work on a near daily basis but it just isn't the same, your right my mum wouldn't want me to be upset and dwell on things and I probably will think about going to work soon as it may help, reading people's kind words on here has also helped and made me realize that grief is different for everyone , it has been nearly a month now and it still upsets me when I go to her house and see her things but like you say timers a great healer, thanks once again the words are a great comfort x

Owen 

take your time remember one day at a time 

Be easy on yourself no pressure to do anything if you don't feel ready 

good luck stay here for support if you need it 

take care 

Hi,

Your Trust will probably have a limit on how long staff can take off for bereavement - at my old Trust it was two weeks. Best check with your Union rep or HR to avoid accidentally breaching that and moving into unauthorised absence territory. 

We all cope differently. I've had staff taking just a couple of days off following the death of a loved one because they found the routine of working and the support of their colleagues helped. Others have needed far far more time. My advice to them was to see their GP and explain how stressed the thought of returning to work made them feel. Without exception, their GPs signed them off due to stress and anxiety - which meant their absence was authorised. 

It will get more manageable with time - so take the time you need but avoid breaching HR rules if you possibly can.

Best wishes

Dave