Welcome to our friendly forum and it sounds like you've had a really hard journey and many things to come to terms with along the way.  I went through five years of treatment with my husband's cancer although he was much older than you are, but we have two daughters who are in their forties and they struggled with it all, although from a distance as they live many miles away.  I know you are incredibly hurt by your sisters pregnancy and the way she announced it but I don't understand your anger at this.  I know you've been dealing with an awful lot and my husband became incredibly focused on himself and how people reacted, how kind they were or weren't, what they said, how they said it, but I always tried to be the voice of reason and maybe that is what you need as well.  Your sister is an individual and I really think she should not have been expected to put her life on hold.  My younger daughter miscarried twice, it was awful and when she finally became pregnant again she was so happy and this is how it should have been for your sister.  Can you imagine how she would have trembled at having to tell you when you were at your lowest ebb but she chose to be honest before anyone else let the cat out of the bag.  Sibling rivalry is well known as my two do not see eye to eye on many things but they always sort it out amicably in the end.  Obviously your own fertility is an issue and that must be so hard for you but she didn't fall pregnant deliberately to upset you, although it seems you think she did!  Remember this child will be your niece or nephew, you will have many happy times together when she, he arrives.  Try and see the best of the situation, look forward instead of backwards, don't question the whys and wherefores, it's not worth it, it just causes you more pain.  Be happy for her, kindness gives back so much more than unkind words.  Maybe this is not what you wanted me to say but as a grown up, which you are, then you will have to think about others even though you are and have been going through the worst time that anyone can.  I do hope that your prognosis is good and wish you and your soon to be larger family all the best.  I'm now a widow I would love to have something to look forward to.  Carol x

Look at this from your sister's perspective.

She's been through the trauma of having a miscarriage at the same time as her sister was at the risk of dying of cancer - which would have been traumatic for her too. Her feelings will be all over the place, worrying about you, worrying about another miscarriage and now worrying about the apparent breakdown in her relationship with you. 

Now her sister, instead of being happy to have some good news amongst all the anguish, is angry with her for not putting her life completely on hold while she went through her cancer treatment. 

Life is too short for family feuds, your cancer journey will be difficult enough without alienating the people who love you. Life is complicated and messy, we all need to be kind and non-judgemental if we are to avoid making it even messier and complicated.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi

I do understand where you are coming from.

Dealing with cancer is horrendous and it also affects those closest to you. I learned who my friends were and my family have been my rock. However, my partner of 10 years who I adored went into denial the minute I was told. 

He refused to drive after the colonoscooy knowing I had been sedated. He left me in the middle of nowhere and things went from bad to worse. He changed into a monster and kept saying I was evil saying I had cancer when I hadnt. He wanted to hear it for himself. I took him to the first consultation and my operation was explained by the consultant. He was rude and even after 5 explanations with the nurse it didnt sink in. 

Fast forward to my discharge day and I broke, 1 vistit from him and that was because my mom dragged him. No communication during the rest of my stay. I spoke to the sister who put me on a safeguarding and had councelling the following morning.  They told me how to act and behave in front of him and not to mention the c word. All very well and good but when you are pain and being told there is nothing wrong with you caused so much resentment towards him. This wasnt about him it was about me recovering. People were reluctant to visit but I had two angel friends who got me out of the house most days.

He says now i have had my gallbladder out. 

What I suppose I am trying to say is that although we feel like people are being insensitive towards us they do get on with their lives and cope the best they can. 

Your family are important and maybe consider as much as its hurting you could you be without them. As for me and my partner I am just biding my time here. I am getting stronger and hopefully will be able to get out of this situation soon x

Hi

my situation is not like yours but the hurt possibly is, there lives will go on and maybe we should be glad for them , but it's hard isn't it, they all claim to understand but the font really. Family, doctors or nurses, with the best will in the world , mostly, do not.y son , his partner and there son all think I am lowing about my pancreatic malignant tumour, they say I look too strong and healthy, despite having all the usual complaints, I sleep or 16 hours a day and can hardly stand without a frame any more, I cannot grip a teaspoon and they witness the visits from usual medics and paliative care nurse yet they still insist I am too strong , so much do that they refuse to speak to me any more and have forbidden my grandson to speak to us for any reason,  the often winless ambulances that collect me following falls that are dramatic at times.

I sometimes think that I I will be glad when it's all over as it's not worth the hurt. I hope that you find a way to forgive your family, it's not there fault , although it does make one a little bitter.

That is so sad - your son and his family are missing out on the chance to make happy memories with you to remember you by.

Initial denial is understandable but they will suffer from terrible feelings of guilt in the long term if they don't get real.

Good luck

Dave

What an awful situation to be in. Twice in my life I've experienced a life-changing event which has shown me who my real friends are and those who disappear when the going gets tough.

Good luck!

Dave