Hi Midgemo 

So sorry to hear of your news.  I was diagnosed recently and had my first chemo last week, second one tomorrow.  My moods and outlook have been just like yours - one minute I feel ok and can go to the shops etc and the next I am imagining all kinds of awful situations. 

I have found that taking time out for myself is a good form of therapy - just lie on your bed, listen to some relaxing mood and drift off.  Even though it's freezing outside, I wrap up in a warm blanket and take a cup of tea outside and just sit in the peace and quiet for 10 minutes - it really does help to calm me down. 

I'm here for you if you want to chat on here or on messenger.  You will get through this, as will I. 

Sueby xx

Thanks for your advice and support Sueby. I am trying to find what works for me too. While I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone it's good to know that I'm not alone in feeling like this.  I hope your treatment goes well for you. Stay strong.

M

Hello Midgemo,

yes totally 'get you' regarding emotions being all over the place. I am 3 years down the line now but I can still remember those early scary days. 
 

I am sure your family emphasise the positives because they are so keen to help you through this tough time. The thing is though they are not 'living it' the way you are. Personally I had a lot of support from family and friends  but it was really people here on this site who actually understood how I was. Perhaps you have to know what having a cancer diagnosis feels like to cut through all those 'positive vibes' everyone is so keen to dish out. Sone days I honestly didn't want to hear  that I was 'lucky' it wasn't in the 'late stages' etc. I didn't feel at all 'lucky' to have breast cancer. End of!!! I DO realise though those who love us are in a tough position too. It's just we are in a tougher one!!!!! Anyway I suggest you use this site as and when to let off steam. It has really helped me. 

As Sueby says it is important to find the right thing for you which will help calm you. For me it was outside swimming (as soon as I was able) Everything leaves me then. I swim to just feel water and empty my head of every worry. Not for everyone but there will be a way for you to feel better and self soothe. It's just a matter of finding it. 
 

I DO sympathise with all those awful 'swings' in mood. At times calm and feeling 'yes. I have got this'. To 'I wonder who will attend my funeral?!! It's as crazy and as scary as that I know! Hold on. Each day of getting through the treatment helps. You gather strength as you go forward. 
 

I wish you well. 
Kebbs x x 

Thank you Kebbs for your lovely reply to me its so good to feel understood.  Its really challenging for me when people say 'you're so lucky it's early ' 'youll be ok' or 'youve got to be positive' ..have they got a crystal ball? My worlds been turned upside down and Im raging, scared and sad about it. While I understand theyre all ust trying to help its frustrating. I feel like im in a parallel universe this last 2 months since I was diagnosed but your message has filled me with such hope for better times to come. I went swimming in the pool this morning and it definitely helps to do something for myself. I also got the date for my radiotherapy appointment so it's good to have that to work towards and get through and build strength. I have found this forum really helpful so far I just hope that I don't make a nuisance of myself venting here! 

I hope you're keeping well and thanks again for taking the time to support me.

M xx

Hi Midgemo,

well I replied as I recognised your feelings all too well. Everything you describe is perfectly normal!! Everyone who posts on here recognises what you say. It really helps to vent at times so never hold back. We all get it!!! 
 

Yes cancer really can be such a 'lonely' place, with your loved ones in one place and you  in a completely different one. They do mean well though,  there's no doubts about that. 
 

Hooing you go well with treatment. So glad you have a start date!!! A big step forward. 
Yes since my treatment ended in February 2020 I have stayed well. I get a wobbly day periodically where I get 'scared' that the cancer might return but generally I am best foot forward!!! 
Take care. Keep us posted on your progress. 

Kebbs x x 

Thank you Kebbs for your support and encouragement. It's good to know that it's 'normal 'to feel like this. I hope your 'scared days become fewer in future. Stay well.

M xx

Hello

I haven't got an advice as such. But if it helps you're not alone.  I had mastectomy and reconstruction,  no chemo. I should feel fortunate but just like you I cried today as hny doesn't fill me with excitement only with fear. Before I'd expect sg good then I got the diagnosis.. I think you have the right to feel how you feel. There is no 'good cancer'. Cancer is cancer .. and it's quite recent still.  I think with time you will feel better.  I'm grateful for the support and kindness I experienced.  But if it was my choice I'd rather not be wiser in this department.. ignorance is bliss for sure.  Take care , time will heal xx

Hi Brigitta

Thank you for replying to me. It's so good to know I'm not alone or odd in feeling like this. It has actually helped me to deal with it a bit better and not feel quite so sorry for myself.  I too have no enthusiasm for ny celebrations or even cooking a family meal tomorrow but I will go through the motions. I am making myself walk or do some form of exercise everyday to try and help myself along. I met a few friends lastnight, didn't want to go but did, and I had some great laughs with them so it's good to know that life goes on and fun can happen. I really would love to shake this bloody diagnosis away from me, if I could outrun it I would try, but the only way out of it is to go through it.

I'm glad to know I don't need chemo but then on the other hand I worry that I should be getting it...belt and braces! I'm finding it hard to place my trust in the medical team as I was told by my first team that there was nothing wrong with me. It has helped to hear your cancer story and to know that alot of people don't benefit from chemo. I hope that 2023 will be good to us all and that we will go from strength to strength.  Stay strong.

M x

I think it will get easier . I had the free 6 sessions counselling with macmillan. You can sign up for it too. I felt like I couldn't share some of my thoughts with my family cause I didn't want to drag them down.. so for that reason it was somewhat helpful to talk to a counsellor. If you ring macmillan they can make the arrangements . We will put it behind us and move on. I think its natural that fear will come knocking now and then.. but don't get carried away with those thoughts  . Happy new year & cheers to moving on x