Hello Rosie, 

I'm so very sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost my Mum in 2016 and Dad in 2021. I completely understand your feelings of being alone even with your own family. Your life has changed and you can't underestimate that. What I've come to understand about grief is how unique it is to each person, and you've got to let grief in. I tried to block it all out after Dad because I didn't want to go through the intense pain like when I lost my mum. I'm now experiencing delayed grief. As hard as it is, you've got to feel whatever you're feeling (sadness, anger, longing) and someone once told me that grief is an extension of love. So all these feelings now are down to the love between you and your Dad. 
Sending love, 

Dawn