How to psychologically recover

I do feel a little indulgent posting about this, when so many are having a worse time of it ( for now , I always say that, not tempting fate)

Back story- husband diagnosed out of the blue, very few symptoms apart from a loving nagging wife (me), with Oesophageal cancer - July 2020. Nuclear chemo, major surgery , nuclear chemo, 'good' histology. disease free for 18 months ( finger crossed forever).

Now the indulgent bit- how on earth do recover mentally from the whole world wind. I am relatively okay- or at least at the moment I am.

Him- he says he's lost all the 'certainty' in life. Due to the whole thing he has retired from work. Then his mum pops off in February this year ('just' old age) He feels quite 'got at' , like all his life ballasts have been removed. He has done group stuff at maggies, but what we are trying to do I find a way through the psychological recovery. . We know time and adjustment, but like most humans we want it to happen right now!He has hobbies, friends etc. We are really trying to 'live' with mad holidays etc, BUT...
So, I guess what I'm after is 'tips' on what others have experienced AND how they got or are getting through it.

Hilts

Parents
  • Hello :)

     

    Firstly I'm not sure if you remember but you commented on my post when I was struggling mentally post surgery. I wanted to say thank you, I think of your words even now almost 2 years later.

    It's great news that your husband is cancer free for 18 months! I think the mental impacts of getting the all-clear are not really talked about, but definitely echo macmillan as they do support so much. I also struggle with feeling like I will get some bad news imminently/ like I've cheated death and I think it is actually more PTSD with going through everything and trying to just keep powering through.

    It's not indulgent at all, you've been the supportive rock for your husband and you have been going through all the same experiences. I actually found the hospital appointments, surgeries, emergency admissions were more stressful on my family than me as I didn't have any other choice and they felt helpless. Give yourself time, support and love, it's not indulgent and you've been through a lot too xx

  • Awww, how lovely(:-

    Thank you for that. I am the wrong age to remember what is said 5 mins ago, let alone on previous posts LOL- but I'm glad it helped- what you said now has just helped me.
    onwards recovery goes. He is still disease free- as far as we know , for now. He has just finished 6 session with McMillan- which he found useful, but like he said , there is only so much talking you can do - but chunks and then a break seem to be the way to go. You are right, of course it is PTSD.

    I think ultimately time is the only thing that moves on, there is no getting away from the fact it happened and will always be there, but I do feel we are moving on, but like you said, we too feel that 'bad news' is always around the corner- 10 yrs ago we wouldn't even be having this conversation!! Treatment has moved on sooooo much, so we are all having a few more throws of the dice and I must never lose sight of that.

    I must be moving on too, as I don't think about it EVERY day now, just every few days , so again a good sign. But boy is it hard (:-

    I'm also on here less and less- another good sign.

    keep that faith

    Hilts

Reply
  • Awww, how lovely(:-

    Thank you for that. I am the wrong age to remember what is said 5 mins ago, let alone on previous posts LOL- but I'm glad it helped- what you said now has just helped me.
    onwards recovery goes. He is still disease free- as far as we know , for now. He has just finished 6 session with McMillan- which he found useful, but like he said , there is only so much talking you can do - but chunks and then a break seem to be the way to go. You are right, of course it is PTSD.

    I think ultimately time is the only thing that moves on, there is no getting away from the fact it happened and will always be there, but I do feel we are moving on, but like you said, we too feel that 'bad news' is always around the corner- 10 yrs ago we wouldn't even be having this conversation!! Treatment has moved on sooooo much, so we are all having a few more throws of the dice and I must never lose sight of that.

    I must be moving on too, as I don't think about it EVERY day now, just every few days , so again a good sign. But boy is it hard (:-

    I'm also on here less and less- another good sign.

    keep that faith

    Hilts

Children
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