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VioletLizzy
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I feel awful making this post. It is so selfish.

My husband has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer. We are both 52. I don't know how long we have but I do know it's not another 30 or more years like I expected.

I have been a stay at home wife for about 23 years. We have a 19 year old son at uni. One of the reasons I don't work is that I have MS. I am not in a wheelchair but I suffer from severe fatigue and pain. I also suffer from depression. My God I didn't realise how lucky I was before my husband's diagnosis.

My wonderful husband does everything. He is the sole breadwinner. he does all the cooking, most of the cleaning. We live in a tiny house. Everything is in the loft and I can't get up there. I don't know where the stop *** is or how to do anything practical. I can't lift a heavy bag of shopping.

Apart from the feeling I will just rot in this house alone and unable to do anything (I'm bloody well not going to make my son my carer) I don't know if I'll even be able to KEEP the house. We barely get by on my husbands wages and I know his work pension would be a fraction of that. The house is mortgaged. We have no life insurance or critical illness cover. My huband earns too much for us to qualify for any benefits I think, but not enough for us to be ok. I get the lowest rate of PIP.

Does anyone know where I can get information? Will our mortgage lenders throw us out if my husband dies? We don't have wills. It's all adding to the nightmarish terror but I can't talk to my husband about it. OMG OMG OMG.

What will happen? What

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    Hello VioletLizzy,

                               There is nothing selfish about your post,you find yourselves to be in an awful position that too many of us have visited before you, and as a stage 4 bowel cancer survivor l have a few scars from the experience.

                                                      The first thing to say is not to bury your head and hope things will work out,by posting here shows you are proactive in seeking help which is good.

     

    Contact Macmillan cancer, and your nearest Maggies centre,as both these organisations will be able to offer the services of a financial advisor, as well as advising and helping you access the correct benefit payments you WILL be entitled to.They are both excellent in understanding the myriad of issues raised by those in your position. l would assume that your husband will shortly be unable to work due to treatment which will trigger payments,and providing there have not been changes over the past few years, cancer patients automatically qualify for PIP payments.

     

    It may pay you check the terms of your mortgage loan with your lender,as some had insurance cover built into the repayments to cover the loan in the event of death,others insisted you take out life cover as a condition of the loan.It may also be of benefit that you find out the current position of the mortgagte account so you have this to hand for discussions with your financial advisors.

     

    My experience is that it is always best for you to drive the agenda than waiting to be driven by events,admittdly there will be medical issues over which you can do little about, but that will not stop you managing the best route through in any given circumstances.

     

    The sooner you make that contact ,the sooner you will get the support you will need to help you get through, without adding anymore stress than you have currently.

     

    l wish you well and hope your husband will get news of future treatment that might brighten the current feeling of despair and helplessness,

                                                                      David

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    I sympathise as my partner of 42 years is terminal 3/4 months, and I'm in a similar financial situation. 
     

    just know you're not alone.

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