I am 48 and got diagnosed 3 years ago, after two sugeries and three rounds of chemo I am left with a Terminal Diagnosis, in a time frame of approx 1 year.  I cry everyday and just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I fear what is comming.I have the most loving family a husband who spends every spare waking hour reserarcing for trials and cures, and two daughters of 22 and 18.  Of course I dont want to leave them but I fear what horrible things are coming my way. Probably my last change is stage one trials now, which my husband is convinced is going to give me the time I need to wait for a cure.  I am petrified about the prospect of doing this, there are so many unknowns and I have been through so much already, we all have.

I just cry and cry and cry - I am frigntened to live my short life.  I want to do this happily for them but how does a person get up in the morning with the knowledge that they face more treatement or death and be happy that its sunny outside today !

I have wonderful friends to that come and see me and they do cheer me up - most of the time but when they have gone I am left once again to my tears and horrible thoughts of dying.  Does anywone have any advice on how to actually carry on living as I feel that I am not I am just exsisting very badly and very sadly.