My patience is limited ...

My OH (66) has been diagnosed with incurable but manageable bowel cancer. ATM he's about to have a line put in to start his chemo next week or the week after.

Understandably he's scared, frustrated, but very snappy with me at the least little thing.

Sometimes I want to tell him I don't think I can deal with his moods, although I understand why he's like it.

I try to make life as simple as I can for him but he quickly rejects my suggestions and loses his rag. Amd then I retaliate ...

Any ideas for coping mechanisms?

  • Hello! First of all, sorry for my poor English. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with a curable dysgerminoma (A type of ovarian cancer), but in that moment I was really upset with all the people around me, I could not understand why me? I never smoke, drink alochol, or use contraceptives, I was only 17! Why? The idea of the chemoterapy breaks my heart, the loss of the hair, the idea of dying, the idea of leave my boyfriend and my family. I was pretty sad and furious because I thought that I don't derserve that disease (Know I now that NOBODY deserve that disease), but the point is, that HE has good reasons to feel all that emotions, I know you are not guilty, but this disease it's not easy, and it's very annoying when someone that is not sick tells to you -Calm down, everything is gonna be alright, I UNDERSTAND YOU, but you can not be rude with the people that it's trying to help you- and something like that, because, even if your intentions are the best, you can not really understand all the feelings that the person has in his mind, and it's frustrated for all, but sometimes the woerds doesn't help, so the best that you can do it's accompany in silence, trust me, sometimes you have no ears to hear nothing, the only thing that you want to do it's cry a lot or find a guilty, because the cancer it's very unfair, and you feel impotence. Each person faces the cancer differently, it's a matter of "Thresholds", perhaps he needs to speak with other people that really can understand him, even just a little bit. Don´t worry, you are a very good person for taking care of him, it's normal that your patience runs out, but try to put yourself in his place, I'm sure that whe the days pass, he will be better and could understand you.

     

    Sorry for the big letter jaja, and again excuse my bad English, I'm not good at advice, but I hope everything is resolved.;)