Hi Kaz Bar,

welcome to this friendly forum

I think that after having been through the experiance you have over the past months, you are entitled to feel you want to do what please's you. Cancer does change the way we look at life. As to why you dont want to go back to work, there could be any number of reasons. You say cancer has changed your appearance; this could be one reason as you probably have a lack of confidence. Another may be the fact that if you meet up with your old work mates, they are enevitablely going to ask questions about your cancer. That may well bring back a lot of bad memories for you that you may prefer to forget. Also while you were undergoing treatment, your life style was inevitably altered with constant visits to hospital ect. You may need time to re-adjust  before going back to your old way of life. Incidentally, I dont think your being selfish; you are just suffering from the after efects of cancer.

There is also another factor. A lot of people feel vunerable after treatment. While you ahve been going to hospital on a regular basis, you know you have support staff to help you. But when treatment ends, a lot of people feel this is no longer the case and understandbly feel very exposed.The main thing  is to remember is you now need to try and put this period of your life behid you. It will take time and it will not be easy but I feel sure you can do it; just take things one step at a time.

Wishing you all the best and please let us know how you get on, Brian.