Hi Jayne

Though not had to face this myself, during my husband's journey with cancer of the lung linings he(we) were often asked to consider this by his palliative care nurse. It was not something my husband was comfortable with talking about to anyone  and in the end the only form he chose to sign was the do not resusciate form as he felt there was no point in 'coming back' to a terminal outcome (his diagnosis from the beginning). He was extremely lucky to have a good back up team through his consultant/gp/community nurses  who placed  no pressure on him and it was only during his last week of life that he finally told me he wanted to stay at home (amazingly during the three years he was ill he had never been admitted to hospital) and he was granted his wish.

I hope others will come along and offer guidance for what is a very personal and courageous decision. Jules x

Thank you so much - I hope this brings back happy memories that your husband was granted his wish -

I think we would all wish to stay at home - but having Lung cancer and a history of epilepsy I am afraid that my family may  not be able to cope.

It does bring comfort that he was able to choose and despite his illness was still able to decide this for himself.  His passing comment at the time was that he knew that it was not what  I had expected or indeed my personal preference but despite 37 yrs of marriage he could always throw me a curve ball.  That said I never thought I would have the strength to cope at home but I did not have to do it alone  as both children, grandchildren (6 and 1) plus community care 'held me together'  and we continue to support each other now.  Sending a virtual hug.Jules

Hi Jayne, your post really grabbed my attention. I have done an Advance Care Directive because I want to make sure my wishes are followed if/when the time comes that I may not be able to speak for myself. I've always been a very independent person and I certainly don't want to leave those very important and personal decisions to anyone else. Its' my life and my right to make those determinations. To take that a step further, we now have here in Canada a Supreme Court Ruling allowing Assisted Death for those who wish it. Of course, there are strong rules governing how it will take place, but it is now law in this country. The provinces have until Feb./16 to put a plan in place to make it work and doctors are really struggling with it, although some of them were silently in favor. I just hope they get it right by the time I may need it. I don't have family around here to be a support for me when the time comes, but I wouldn't want that to happen anyway. I also wouldn't want my partner to be put in that position either.

Getting back to your topic though, everyone should do the Advance Directive while able because often family members really don't know what to do, or if they do, some may see it one way and others may not agree and a huge rift takes place at such a highly emotional time. Not good for anyone for sure.

I'll be looking for further responses to your thread.

Lorraine