Hi, I'm Samantha, 20 years old. My mum has recently been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her hips spine pelvis ribs shoulder and skull after beating breast cancer in when first diagnosed at 39 in 2006. My mum is now 48 and is the most incredible lady you could wish to meet. I am struggling very much at dealing with this all over again especially knowing my mum isn't going to get better this time. Her treatment has started and we are trying to find our new normal. I had booked to go to Florida for my boyfriends 21st which is coming up in April. Everything is all booked and paid for and before this happend we was sososo excited to go as we've never been before. Now this has happened and I'm struggling to leave mums side for a second scared that one time when I do she won't be there for me to come back to. I'm not bothered about losing the money I've paid or going to America, but mums really keen for me to go and us to do all the things we had planned. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've left the house to do something fun for myself once in 6 weeks and felt guilty the whole time. How am I supposed to go to the other sideof the world? Any tthoughts or advice would be much appreciated.
Sam x
Hello Samantha, I'm sorry to read what you and your Mum are going through. In reading your post I think that in your heart of hearts you don't want to go on holiday and leave your Mum. It is a difficult position, as a mother myself I can understand your Mum wanting you to carry on your life as planned. I would like to share a little of my story with you to see if it helps. My Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2013, I had at the time booked and paid for a holiday with my family, I chose to cancel it. The decision was easy for me becasue my Mum only had me (my Dad had died a few months before) and she was elderly and very dependent on me. However, I'm glad I chose to spend as much time with her as I could, and looking back it still doesn't seem enough. When we lose somebody we love it's never enough time, even if they have lived to be old. My personal opinion is to spend as much precious time with your Mum, of course this doesn't mean that you can't go out and even take time to enjoy something, but ask yourself if you would enjoy the holiday if you were constantly worrying. As I say this is just my opinion and there is no right or wrong answer, it is very much about what you feel is right. You are very young to be going through this and my heart goes out to you. Take care and let me know how you are. Hope23 x
Hi hope23,
Thank you for your response I think you are right with what you are saying and I'm sorry to hear about your story too I'm sure your mum was very very lucky to have you by her side.
If I did go on the holiday it wouldn't be the same I know that. My mum just keeps saying she plans to be around for a long time so am I never going to go anywhere again? I understand her point I really do I just don't know if I'd be able to step on that plane. I'm really in two minds it's heartbreaking.
Speak soon, Samantha x
Hi Sam ..... our family are in a similar situation as yourself with my secondary BC taking a real dip for the worse. Our daughter is 29 and our son 30. I am like your Mum and would want you to carry on with your plans - it is very hard to think of your children coping when you are gone and just seeing them enjoying life and having normality gives you the confidence that they will manage when you are no longer around for them and brings comfort. How long are you going for? Do lovely things together too and tell each other every day how lucky you are to have time to make special memories x
Hi Max
I understand where you are coming from completely you sound just like my mum! I'm only going for two weeks but im struggling to spend one night away from her at the moment:( I just feel like whatever I decide I'm going to upset somebody I just don't know what to do. Sorry to hear about your situation :( x
Why don't you make the trip to America FOR your mum? I don't know if she has been there = but you could make the trip for her = taking pictures and keeping intouch with Facebook and getting her gifts, to make it as though she was with you all the time. My sister did that and left on American soil a little bit scarf that was mums and it symbolised mums virtual 'visit''.
Our hearts go out to you having this aweful situation - but your mum is brave and a fighter and will pull through.
I do not think there is a right or wrong answer to this but when my Dad was told he only had a few months he booked for all the family to go on holiday over the Christmas period (coming up to 7 years ago now). Two weeks before the holiday was due to go ahead he was declared too ill to travel but said he would be heartbroken if the family did not go as it would mean the world to him that we could 'do it for him'. Well my Mum stayed behind with him, the rest of us went away. To be honest I really did not enjoy it much but the smile from my Dad upon our return stays with me and he loved to hear all about it (he asked me outright if I had enjoyed it and I was honest and said it did not feel right being away from home at that time of year, let alone that he was not able to enjoy it with us and he told me that he would have been far more upset if we had stayed at home as it gave him pleasure knowing that we could do something for him). He passed away around three months later but always said he could be peaceful in the knowledge that we could enjoy our own lives as he had enjoyed his. Wishing you all the best and make the decision that is right for you .Regards Jules54
