Dear Jules, I felt genuine dismay when I read your post, thinking know one was there for you when you were feeling so low. As you have been there for everyone, on each thread, giving such sound advice and choosing your words so carefully, with such compasion. When I was 'in a state' with my Husbands diagnosis you brought such 'grounding' which I really needed, I really will be eternally grateful. However, then I read on and have seen it was a low point for you and you have gotten over it (so to speak). But please remember if it sneeks up on you again, how much you have helped me and others so allow yourself to feel sad knowing your only human.I may not be able to put pen to paper very well, but please accept the sincerity of this reply. Belle12 x           

Dear Belle

Thanks so much for your reply, it means so much to me that you and the others take time out of their own problems to give me that ongoing support. Its not easy when we have a down day but then reality does come back and whats seems huge at the time (and certainly seemed  like that for me on Sunday) was actually just 1 day and I am sure you know only too well that we have to carry on the fight so cannot let that one day spread. Yep we are all human and all have weaknesses and just have to accept that and move on.  I think in a way it is just dealing with the two ends of the spectrum (Mum and Hubby) that brought things to a head this time.  Am sure we all face dilemmas like this and somedays we deal with them and sometimes we dont. I think I spent to much analysing what 'is not being said' by my hubby and I am now trying to focus on getting on with my 'normality' and hoping that he is there for the 'ride' so to speak.

How are things going with you and your husbands battle at the moment?  I hope your boys' exams are going okay (hated them myself though that was a long long long time ago). Do they know what they want to do next?

On a much brighter note we received a wedding invitation yesterday (from one of my hubby's workmates/friend) and he straight away said we should go (its in August) so hope is renewed that he is battling on.  Our daughter's second son is due in October too so a lot to be thankful for.

As to your comment about how I write/respond I think it is how I speak but as I do not get much conversation at home it all spills out on the forum and if it helps then thats a bonus.  Thanks again for your kind words and I hope you have a peaceful day.

Best wishes Jules

Hi Jules,

I am very pleased on two counts. One is that your feeling better for I have never heard you that low as you were the other day, despite all that life throws at you, you have always just got on with all the problems facing you.So for you to start this thread off like you did was totally not the normal you.

The other thing that has pleased me is how so many people have replied to you as we were all very concerned. That just goes to show how well liked and respected you are on this forum. As someone said your responses to others is always well thought out and shows the caring, kind person you are.

Let me just say, Jules you are definitely not a wuss, nor are you a fraud. I love that word you made up; bouncbackability. It's definitely one to include in the next Oxford Dictionary

Please take care, enjoy your time in the garden, Brian

Hi Jules,

I have just seen your message, and made sure I read through to the end before replying as was hoping to read that you were now feeling a bit better.  So first of all, sorry for not replying sooner, but I am glad you are feeling a bit brighter now.  As Brian said, I had never heard you seem so low on here previously - having read what happened though, it is not a surprise, sounds as though the two major worries collided on the same day and sent you off course a bit.  But one day of feeling low compared to the number of days you show incredible strength and courage is nothing to feel bad about, apart from of course how it makes you feel at the time.  Both events are upsetting and worrying, and, you say yourself, are out of your control, and because you are a such a caring and compassionate person, you would do anything to change them.    I'm guessing that most of the time you accept that you can't, but then occasionally the frustration of that kicks in, particularly when those you are worrying about don't maybe recognise the impact their situation is having on you.  Having been the relative, as opposed to the patient, I can't really explain that, but wonder if part of it is trying to keep things normal.  And of course a little bit of denial....

Anyway, I don't want to dwell too much on how you were feeling a couple of days ago, and instead hopw the sun is shining where you are as well and that hopefully that is lifting your spirits further.

Take care Jules, and I hope you will take this in the spirit it is intended, but don't hesitate to remind your hubby what a wonderfully caring wife he has - I know everyone on here will vouch for that (and am sure he knows anyway!)  Sending you a big hug, Catherine xx

Thanks Brian,

I think I have just go to accept that everything in the garden is not always going to be rosy. Luckily I inherited (well I think I did) my Dad's sense of humour/character.  If I had been more like my Mum I would be sinking I am sure.  However her love of reading and words (when she was well) were also a big part of my upbringing and though she worked full time and I had a childminder this is probably where I get my more chatty side. Also that far back - ha ha - we did not have all the gizmos to keep us amused and we often just sat around the table talking or playing board games (my I feel old now). These days that only happens when we entertain (rarely).

Thank you for your  kind words and support as usual and its a credit to the people that use the forum that most of us keep our marbles when life throws  a tripwire in the works so to speak.

As an aside I think my hubby had a moment where his sense of humour logged back in today.  We have been getting many cold calls recently on the phone and today when he answered it, the man on the other end was talking about him having had a car accident recently (not true) so instead of hanging up, he said that was right he had. He was straight away connected to the claims dept and asked a load of questions.  They finally asked who else was involved to which my hubby replied 'well it was not human, it was a meteor that hit the road in front of me. For the first time ever the cold caller hung up first!!!!

Have been reading (again) in the garden and with the sunscreen on my face and beautiful goldfinches on my feeders feel more at peace today. Hope it lasts.  Take care and  thanks again. Jules

Hiyer jules, My Husband has now been refered to a further specialist, one who deals in this kind of specific cancer, so if he's the 'man' thats were we will go. However this is about 120 miles away so we will have to see about family rooms etc. He goes for his initial consultation on the 12th, but what we have been told/ forwarned by the current specialist is it is a aggresive type of cancer, that is touching several organs, but cannot be specific till we get in there. Believe it or not from the outside things are carrying as normal, my Mother inlaw turned 80, had a spin in a limo an threw a big knees up, with champagne to boot. It was really lovely.... and I wanted to cry BIG style. As she knows her Hansome Son is seriously ill, but she wore a smile, but I know her heart must of been breaking.It was so emotional, I felt I was looking through a camera lense as though it was all a dream...   This wretched disease ruins lives.

So for now sat in the sun, sending myself crazy with what if's and wondering how to cope with the next round of cr*p. (Pardon me for swearing)

Thank God I found this forum.Take it easy jules from one sad wife to another. Belle x                       

Hi Catherine

Thanks for taking time out of your busy preparations (yes keeping up to date with your own thread) to offer you support to me (and others on here). Its not always easy keeping on the brave face as you know only too well and I was thrown by how hard it was on Sunday but as you can tell have moved on to better days (have to accept as you rightly say that cant change things).

Yes the sun is shining in Middlesex and as I dont work on Tuesdays have spent the day lazing on a lounger watching the wild birds and yet popping in regularly to make sure the other half has drinks supply. He does not like sitting outside and spends the day on computer playing card games!!

I do hope the celebration of your dear Mum's life on Thursday passes well and it sounds like you have plenty of support but am sure it will be an emotional time for your whole family.  You have shown great dignity and love in the past few weeks and done your Mum enormously proud. Your grieving process is just beginning and no one knows how long this will last but one thing is for sure you will carry her in  your heart always.

  My Dad passed over 5 years ago last March and I found relief at the time of his death because he was, he told me. ready to be released from the pain of cancer and surprisingly at the time My Mum was awesome in the way she coped. They had discussed everything beforehand and we carried out his wishes which gave us great comfort.  Now I find I think of him often but always with a smile because he had a great character and he said a second chance of life after being wounded (lost his leg) during the War.  As I type this I can almost  feel him watching over me (and I never thought I would be saying that!!).

Catherine, take care of yourself and my thoughts and hugs come virtually to you both for your days ahead and for the way you have offered your support to me and others in our times of need. IT MEANS SO MUCH.

Best wishes Jules

Hi Belle

Thanks for sharing your updated news. How hard this is and I like you admire your Mum in Law for 'putting on the glitz'. Turning 80 is wonderful (my Mum now 87!!) and am sure that normality will help you all on difficult days.  This forum is truly a lifesaver I am sure for so many of us facing cancer journeys whether its as sufferers/carers/friends/colleagues etc etc and the support is amazing.  Hope the round trip you will have to make wil not prove too tiring but it will be good for you to be able to talk to someone who knows this specific cancer and give you first class information (though suspect you will both be filled with some trepidation on the 12th). We feel like this every time we are building towards the next 'check up'. My hubby has his next one on 25th all being well till then. For now he just keeps taking the painkillers which do seem to be still working so am taking some positives from that.  His cancer is also described as aggressive but can also be slow growing (seems to also depend on general health of sufferer) so really can only take guidance and hope for the best..  Take care of yourself too and will keep things virtually crossed for you both.  Jules x

Hi Jules,

Like you Jules, our lawn needed mowing today and my wife insisted on doing part of it as she said she needed the exercise. So you had the spectacle of me being chased around the garden by my wife and the lawn mower. She more than got her own back todayJules.

We have also had a lot of cold callers recently. I had one yesterday where someone with an accent that was not English tried to tell me I have had a loan last year for some home improvements and I was die some money back. I got quite annoyed as he wouldn't accept his information was wrong. He had finally hung up after I told him where to go. I realized what he was really after was my bank details so they could supposedly offer this refund. So many scams about at the moment. I like your husbands reply and good for him, that made me laugh.

I am glad you have had some quality time in your garden today and hope you will be able to have more time like this as the weather looks good for the next few days.

Rather than thanking me, it's I who should be thanking you for your responses to me over the past few months Jules.

Please take care, sending best wishes to you, Brian

Hi Brian

Enjoyed the thought of you being chased by the lawn-mowing wife (sorry). I was far too lazy and the mower stayed in the garage so will have to face that another day. Telling  myself it will mow better if the grass is longer ha ha! Have just prepared lots of veg for my dinner (mushrooms, carrots, parsnip, new potatoes and sprouts). The weather really helping with the healthy eating lark. I feel like I am taking part in an experiment for six months. It will  be interesting to see if it really does affect my cholesterol level when I go back sometime in October for re-check.  Course, if it hasn't  my attack of Brianitis could be HUGE.

  I now have a male blackbird (hubby nicknamed him roadrunner) coming to within a foot of my sun lounger to pick up suet pieces. He sits on our fence singing for a couple of minutes as if to let me know he is around and then I throw a few suet bitson the grass which he gobbles up and then flys off till the next time.

Well back to getting our meal ready. Have a good week and hope all is well with you and the family.  all the best Jules

Hi Jules,

Hope you are okay today. I have just read something in the cancer research site about anxiety being a  bigger risk than depression and it also state that the partners of cancer sufferers face a higher risk of anxiety than the suffers themselves, something I have felt for a long time. The article is on the right hand side of the page when you sign in and is titled "Anxiety's a greater risk than depression for long term cancer sufferers".

My wife didn't manage to catch me with the lawn mower incidentally Jules Hope you enjoyed you meal. We have got the two oldest grandchildren coming to us this afternoon after school for dinner. I am not kidding you Jules, I have never see two youngsters put away so much food. As soon as they step inside our door they usually say "what can we have to eat nanny, we're absolutely starving". They try to tell us they are not fed at home but I know this to be untrue. My granddaughter is turning out like me in that she has developed a liking for nuts, so I have to find a new hiding place for them each week now. Pringles might be made for sharing but not nuts, at least not my nuts.!!!!!!!!!

Anyway take care Jules, have a great week and hope you get to spend a peace filled time in you oasis of calm, best wishes, Brian

Morning Brian

Hope there are still nuts in the  larder after visiting grandchildren came by.  My son and now my grandson love to check out the fridge when they come round and eat well but with all their energy (oh to be young again!!) they have no weight problems lucky things.  I am enjoying planning my new style meals (and eating them) though cooking two separate meals some nights (hubby needs lots more calories!!) is a bit of a juggling act.  Soon I will switch more of my meals to salads (another of hubby's pet hates) so I will be cooking for one.  Have found it easier to drop the naughty foods between meals than I had thought  but when I fancy a treat (usually at weekends) I try to incorporate it into my mealtimes.  My weight has steadied so suspect I need to up the exercise so maybe the lawn will get mowed after all.

With the weather looking set fair for the weekend (and no set plans apart from the usual visit to Mum) my escape route to the back garden is ready and waiting.Have already got the sunscreen ready as I dont want to look like a dried prune and, of course need to protect the skin.  Have a lovely restful weekend and will chat soon. Best wishes Jules

Morning Brian

Hope there are still nuts in the  larder after visiting grandchildren came by.  My son and now my grandson love to check out the fridge when they come round and eat well but with all their energy (oh to be young again!!) they have no weight problems lucky things.  I am enjoying planning my new style meals (and eating them) though cooking two separate meals some nights (hubby needs lots more calories!!) is a bit of a juggling act.  Soon I will switch more of my meals to salads (another of hubby's pet hates) so I will be cooking for one.  Have found it easier to drop the naughty foods between meals than I had thought  but when I fancy a treat (usually at weekends) I try to incorporate it into my mealtimes.  My weight has steadied so suspect I need to up the exercise so maybe the lawn will get mowed after all.

With the weather looking set fair for the weekend (and no set plans apart from the usual visit to Mum) my escape route to the back garden is ready and waiting.Have already got the sunscreen ready as I dont want to look like a dried prune and, of course need to protect the skin.  Have a lovely restful weekend and will chat soon. Best wishes Jules