Frustration hit me for six today-WHY?

Hi all,

Been a while since I started a new discussion and I dont really understand why I feel particularly low today., though it did not get off to a very happy start.  Those who have followed other discussions will know that my Mum is in a care home due to general physical/mental frailty.  I popped in to see her for my usual Sunday visit and filled her in on family news as always.  Not much of a response until after about 20mins she just looked at me and said go home, you are not able to give me what I want  so there is no point  you being here. We have had this type of conversation before but somehow it knocked me for six.  Well I walked back home in the  beautiful sunshine feeling 'useless' (silly I know) and then hubbys opening words were,  she not in talkative mood then!  This comment coming from the man who constantly shutting me out of how he is feeling (he has incurable cancer) and during the past few days he has definitely struggling a little more with  cold/cough symptoms though my suggestion of getting checked out (before his next appointment later this month) gets a negative response.  I  am here for him but he is pushing me away and today I have just felt surplus to requirements because I cant help those who mean something to me. We are 15 months into his cancer journey and its hard enough knowing that this cannot be cured but somehow harder still that I feel like an imposter in my own home.  I have spent the day sitting reading in the garden (he has not ventured out of the arm chair other than to use the bathroom) and the only comment came when I pop indoors to get drinks;lunch;more drinks; dinner when he remarked that the neighbours cat had chosen to sit on my lap!!Think  the cat has picked up that I  needed the company.  Now I am indoors and he sleeps, Sorry for the ramble but needed to get my emotions down. Hoping to feel better tomorrow.  Jules

Parents
  • Hi Jules ........ not much I can add to what has been said above except sometimes us 'sufferers' wrongly take our lovely partners for granted. My husband was explaining to me this evening that every where he goes - the pub, the shop, to see friends etc he never gets a break from cancer because every one asks him about me or treatments/results. His life is as much on hold as mine and his work and income has ceased. He feels guilty to have a laugh anymore. My heart goes out to all of you in yours/his position, I truly think how you cope is remarkable and it would break my heart if the situation was in reverse in my home and I had to helplessly watch my partner suffering and not know how long I would have him in my life. You deserve a rant and where better to have one than here where we can all relate to the destruction this disease causes to our once carefree lives! On a lighter note, I am spending another sleepless night laying next to the lovely caring husband  I have just mentioned, who is snoring so loudly I could happily smother him at this moment in time!

    Like all have said jules, you are such a help to others and I really hope you feel better after a nights sleep (not sure I will have one unless I go to a neighbours)!!!!!!!!!!    . Sending you a massive hug and lots of love. Max xxx the

Reply
  • Hi Jules ........ not much I can add to what has been said above except sometimes us 'sufferers' wrongly take our lovely partners for granted. My husband was explaining to me this evening that every where he goes - the pub, the shop, to see friends etc he never gets a break from cancer because every one asks him about me or treatments/results. His life is as much on hold as mine and his work and income has ceased. He feels guilty to have a laugh anymore. My heart goes out to all of you in yours/his position, I truly think how you cope is remarkable and it would break my heart if the situation was in reverse in my home and I had to helplessly watch my partner suffering and not know how long I would have him in my life. You deserve a rant and where better to have one than here where we can all relate to the destruction this disease causes to our once carefree lives! On a lighter note, I am spending another sleepless night laying next to the lovely caring husband  I have just mentioned, who is snoring so loudly I could happily smother him at this moment in time!

    Like all have said jules, you are such a help to others and I really hope you feel better after a nights sleep (not sure I will have one unless I go to a neighbours)!!!!!!!!!!    . Sending you a massive hug and lots of love. Max xxx the

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