Hi all,
Been a while since I started a new discussion and I dont really understand why I feel particularly low today., though it did not get off to a very happy start. Those who have followed other discussions will know that my Mum is in a care home due to general physical/mental frailty. I popped in to see her for my usual Sunday visit and filled her in on family news as always. Not much of a response until after about 20mins she just looked at me and said go home, you are not able to give me what I want so there is no point you being here. We have had this type of conversation before but somehow it knocked me for six. Well I walked back home in the beautiful sunshine feeling 'useless' (silly I know) and then hubbys opening words were, she not in talkative mood then! This comment coming from the man who constantly shutting me out of how he is feeling (he has incurable cancer) and during the past few days he has definitely struggling a little more with cold/cough symptoms though my suggestion of getting checked out (before his next appointment later this month) gets a negative response. I am here for him but he is pushing me away and today I have just felt surplus to requirements because I cant help those who mean something to me. We are 15 months into his cancer journey and its hard enough knowing that this cannot be cured but somehow harder still that I feel like an imposter in my own home. I have spent the day sitting reading in the garden (he has not ventured out of the arm chair other than to use the bathroom) and the only comment came when I pop indoors to get drinks;lunch;more drinks; dinner when he remarked that the neighbours cat had chosen to sit on my lap!!Think the cat has picked up that I needed the company. Now I am indoors and he sleeps, Sorry for the ramble but needed to get my emotions down. Hoping to feel better tomorrow. Jules
