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work guilt struggles

rhol83mes
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I have recently been diagnosed with Stage 3 melanoma cancer. I am lucky that it has not spread and I am shortly going to begin immunotherapy treatment for a year, with the following 4 years being monitoring and scans etc.

I am a deputy headteacher and Y6 class teacher and for anyone in this field, I could really do with hearing advice and thoughts.

I was diagnosed before the xmas holidays, returned to work after xmas. On Thursday of last week, I met with oncologists and nurse specialists about treatment plans. It is sadly going to impact mine and my husband's baby plans as I have been advised to not try to conceieve whilst having immunotherapy, which has had a huge impact on me mentally. I will be 40 later this year, so to have to delay this is crushing. 

On top of that, I am finding trying to keep on top of all my school responsibilities really hard - there are a lot of demands, deadlines, expectations and pressures that go with teaching now and I am just concerned it is all too much. 

However, I am feeling guilty as I know that it could be so much worse for me with regards to my cancer treatment, but in the same breath, I feel really low and sad that I am going through it. 

If anyone has ever or is going through something similsr, I would be keen to hear from them.

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    Hi,

    I'm also a Stage 3 melanoma patient, have been for 13 years. I don't have personal experience of your work and fertility issues but I have information that I can pass you in a private message. Please accept the friend request I have sent you and then we can chat by private message.

    Angie

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    My husband has been coping with the mucosal melanoma at the same level for the last 2 years. He has worked all that time. I thought he might want to stop, but he likes to be at work, just living a normal life, as much as possible.

    After initial ops, treatment gets into a rhythm - on immunotherapy week he misses half a day for blood tests and a whole day for treatment, then has two treatment free, 'normal' weeks, then repeat. A day or two off for scans every 3 months.

    That said, not everyone glides through immunotherapy with minimal side effects, but he has, and just when you've had 3-6 months of this routine, his cancer throws a curve ball and there is another op or extra scans. 2 years from diagnosis he has just had to have 3 straight weeks off for another op.

    So my advice is that you might cope for some time yet with treatment + work, but it is good to lower other people's expectations of you, and you might find offloading some responsibility, or working shorter hours gives you a bit of breathing space.

    Best of luck

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    I'm not a deputy head but am a teacher and what our deputy principal said to me when I told him I needed surgery was "well, your health comes first. The job is a long way down the line when it's a matter of your health."

    If you need to take time off completely, do. The head of my department told me to text her if I just wanted to take a day off and they'd cover it in department without needing to take official time off.

    And please, try not to feel guilty that "it could be worse." I "just" had stage one thyroid cancer. The operation basically cured it, though it was a year afterwards before I got the all-clear scan.

  • Offline in reply to MargaretMary

    Thank you to the responses, they have been really helpful for me. I have also spoken with my head and I've been given someone that can just step in if I ever need any time for appointments, or am just not coping. It's made a huge difference to my anxieties. 

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