Hi [@Gilly-lavender]‍ 

I'm sorry that your post has remained unanswered for all these days, I know how supportive this forum can be, I also know sometimes it is nice to just have a place to write down what you are feeling.

I know the drowning feeling, you just wonder what else are they going to throw at you and why!

Night times are the worse for me too, I dread it, I dread not being able to sleep and lying there for hours with my mind whirring, I dread going to sleep and having bad vivid dreams waking up in sweats and in pain.I dread the hours ahead of me.

These days you do not need a Doctors referral to the mental health team, so you might be able to talk to them direct, I know in my area, you can just phone the clinic and talk to someone who can then arrange further help. Although again in my area they are so busy and understaffed that you still have to wait. I get a scheduled call every month to two months, but I had some set up that then never happened because ???? I don't know why, she may have left, she may have forgotten the appointments, who knows It was never explained to me.

Even though I was supposed to be on the shielded list, my friend was also on the shielded list, and we were our own little bubble, and I was his support, so through this last year and more, I have continued to go and do the food shop for my house as well as his. He has had both vaccines and now his booster, but his immune sytem is compromised, so he is still too scared to go out, he has just had to go to the hospital himself and we are waiting to find out if he has Colon Cancer, he absolutely hated going to the one place where he feared he could catch Covid most. I have told him, cancer is supposed to be 1 in 2 people, he is not allowed it, I am the 1.

It takes a long time to start feeling like you have got through this and for me anyway the nagging in your head reamins, it's like your always waiting for the next thing to happen....

I am here if you want to chat or vent.

K