Since I lost my wife to terminal bowel cancer, and having liver cancer which I found out around early January 2020. then the same year in May my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died 6 weeks later in July 2020. I was a full time carer for my wife, she had numerous illnesses the worst was her bone density. she had brittle bones so any fall resulted in a broken bone. and years before I had friends and family who had cancer so knew certain thing to look out for. my wife would often be sick regular. had a lot of faint and fainting spells. As I was diagnose with liver cancer and had severe cirrhosis of the liver. meant it was unable to regenerate it's self. I have the added bonus of diabetes if it wasn't complicated enough. over the last 6 months, I'm seeing similarities which my wife had, I'm now getting. I feel like I'm on a downward spiral. My days are now feeling nausea some times being sick, constantly tired and sleeping during the day time. my skin is now becoming more and more jaundice, the white of my eyes are becoming a yellow colour. What I'm more afraid of is going through a painfully horrible death, just like my wife went through. most of my time of a night I'm alone. when all I want is a cuddle a hold of the warm hand of my wife, and telling her I love her. The one saving grace that stops me going dolally is the thought I know I'll hold cuddle and be with my wife. when I get up there all I want is not to see her mother there. if she's is there I'm putting in for a transfer request to go to hell.