Relationship problems

I have was diagnosed in Feb with breast cancer , had my mastectomy and reconstruction in April and my husband seemed to be very supportive. 
I have a 16 year old son autistic and adhd son who is not his. We only got married in December after : years of being together.

I had my first Chemo at the end of may and was very sick so in hospital  for a week. 
The day I was getting home my husband asked me if ins if my friends could pick me up as he was busy with work , I was very upset and he got cross, I ended up apologising , in the end he picked me up. 
tgat night he started having a go about my son, as my son has a routine of showering each night and puts the water heater on. I pay for the oil to save any issues. 
I asked him to drop it as I was just out of hospital and this wasn't so ring that was important right now. 
the next night after my son out the heater in again he really got angry and started raising his voice at me. I told him my son has a routine and this is what he always does , he felt my son was being disrespectful on purpose. 
he started shouting at me so I left the room and went upstairs, I was very upset and phoned my sister in law , next my son said he's turned the water heater off , so I told him to go and switch it on again. My husband then started shouting at him so I had to muster all my energy. To get downstairs and he was then shouting at my son and I , my sister in law and brother were still on the phone and heard everything 

I gif my son into my bedroom, while still crying. Next my husband stormed in and said 'get out this was his bedroom' while threatening to grab my son to punch , again I gif between them , my son is only 7.5 stone as the adhd meds make him very thin. My husband is 6 ft 4 and 17 stone. My son and I stayed in his bedroom that night. 
my treatment makes me very sick gif about a week and nis mg don has to stay at my friends during the first week after treatment in case I get hospitalised again as I don't feel

its a good idea gif him to be alone with my husband. 
 

I am really struggling with my husband's behaviour towards my son. 
min my head I'm thinking he now sees me as really sick and us using my son to push me away 

is it the chemo making me think this , am I being irrational. 
my don is frightened of him his and wants nothing to do with him. My husband doesn't even feel he has done anything v wrong. 

I feel really caught and out of control 

has anyone else experienced this at all?

x

  • You don't have to experience this, he is a bully and deep down afraid. He carnt come to terms with it all, but treating you like that when your week and worried is tragic. You need to talk to someone both of you. Get every thing above board and see how to remedy it before it goes too far. People will help you but if we didn't know your husband before it's hard. Was he like this before ? Try nurse ask to be put forward to see a  councillor go on your own if he won't. I really feel for you if I was your sister I would sort him for you god bless huge hug keep me upto date will be thinking about you and your boys xx

  • Hi

    You say you have been together along time has your husband ever shouted at you or your son prior to your diagnosis?

    If he hasn't and this is new behaviour then it's likely its all related to your diagnosis and he is scared and lashing out. However this is totally unacceptable behaviour towards both you and your son. Nothing gives him the right to treat either of you this way his behaviour is bullying. Has your brother said anything to him?

    He needs to get help and both of you need support before it escalates, can you speak with your breast team.

    You need all your strength to get through your treatment.

    Sending virtual hug

    Louise xx

  • Hi Lisash,

    Just to advise that we will be contacting you privately via email shortly - please look out for an email in your inbox.

    Best wishes,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator