Oh Rois,

A very warm welcome to our forum, although I'm sorry to hear why you've joined us. The way you feel is perfectly normal after a cancer diagnosis and, we all have down days sometimes. You will find that a great number of people will infuriate you by the things they say. In many cases this is because they don't know what to say to you. You will soon find out who your true friends are, as you start your cancer journey. 

Some will offer a hand and it often comes from the most unlikely of corners. Don't refuse anyone who offers help of any kind. You are certainly not being selfish. You will find that you have to be a little kinder to yourself with all that you are going through. How many of your children are still at home - why not give them a rota of cleaning, ironing, cooking, washing, shopping, etc that they can share between them? You have looked after them for long enough. Now it's their turn to take care of you.

If you are feeling down about all that you are going through, have you thought of seeing a councellor or attending some of the cancer centres like Maggie's, The Haven or other cancer centres local to you?

Please keep in touch. There are a number of grade 3 ladies on the site, who are still doing well after a number of years. Hopefully, some of them will see your post and join in soon.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thanks for reply kids are great but I've had strange year not just pandemic never want home school again haha was so sick at times but I feel people at this stage are indifferent to me as it's a long road and I'm active till 8 in evening and I'm tired out.iits a funny vibe like ,they used to me and no big deal ok normal life is healthy and I agree but I feel blanked as if cancer not there am I making sense .people can be unknowingly hurtful just cause you alive and not on your knees !

Hi Oldblueeyes,

It sounds as if you are still trying to carry on as you always have - doing everything. How have you managed to home school and remain active until 8.00pm? I certainly couldn't have done that on either occasion when I was first diagnosed. It is only now 12 years on that I can manage anything like a normal, if drastically altered life again.

 It sounds to me as if you need to become a little more selfish. If you don't listen to your body and rest when you are tired out, you are going to wear yourself out.

Try sitting your husband down and insist on talking about how you feel. It would be better to discuss how you both feel, as both of you are affected by your diagnosis. Even if he doesn't want to express how he feels, he needs to know exactly how you feel and, although all of these feelings cannot be dispelled, some of them can. You obviously feel put upon, taken for granted, exhausted hurt. All of these emotions go hand in glove with cancer and may only exacerbate when you have your radiotherapy. If you don't admit to them and continue all that you're doing, you will very soon be on your knees.

You will find that it will help you both to talk about your emotions and make all of this easier to cope with when you are both completely honest with one another and face this head on.

It sounds as if it is time for your husband to muster the troops and point out that you are not as ok as you make out and need additional help from family and friends to do even normal everyday chores. You will find that you won't feel quite so despondant and put upon once everyone starts to muck in. They would have to do this if you weren't here, so why not get them to help out before they put you in an early grave? Please forgive my bluntnees, but this is likely to happen, if you don't put your foot down.

You are perfectly correct that it is good to led a healthy life and having a positive attitude will help you through all that you are going through. The only problem is that you are not doing this at present. It sounds as if you are being put upon and taken for granted, because you are still trying to do everything that you did before your diagnosis. This is possibly why eyeryone sees no difference in you. Stop acting as Superwoman and make some time for YOU.

My sincere apologies for being so outspoken here, but you should be Number One now. Please remember that we are always here for you.

I do so hope that your radiotherapy turns out to be more effective than your previous treatment.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi NeverU,

Thank you for your kind comments. I do try to help in any way I can, but I can sometimes be too blunt. I only hope that this is taken in the right way at times.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi, further to my last reply to you, I came across an online post by a breast cancer surgeon who went through a similar prognosis.  If you have not read it before, it may be worth reading her blog:

Breast Surgeon with Breast Cancer (oriordan.co.uk)

She has also written a book but I have not read it.  There are many others available, which may be useful to research before buying them.

Hope this is useful.

Sending you my best wishes.

Never U x