Hello Mario11, 

Thank you very much for giving us an update on your situation. We are so pleased to hear that the shadow didn't turn out to be cancer. That is fantastic news and you must be reassured. 

I hope you find out more soon about this shadow over your aorta and what it all means for you but it's great that it definitely isn't cancer. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Same for you, am here if need any help xx

Hi Mario11 - sorry, I just wanted to reply again - your question to my 10 year old post threw me a little bit! Sometimes I forget what i went through - the joys of it being 10 years ago and i was only 35 at the time and it ended my chance for kids, which still hurts. It was only a few weeks from my diagnosis to full hysterectomy and then Chemo and then the Brachytherapy and dealing with surgical menopause! 

But here is the thing - I think it is good that I forget sometimes. You probably cant understand that at the minute from where you are but i wish someone had told me back then to just slow down and let go, stop trying to keep it all together and stop fighting so hard. I was determined that i would fight, i would get over it, i would conquer the world and people helped me keep believing that. We focused on big holidays and playing poker in Vegas when i was better. A road trip through vineyards in France - even though I lost my taste for wine after the first chemo and cried hard about that! I fought the nurses - i wasnt going to lose my hair, no i dont need to visit the wig lady, thats not happening to me. I was so determined and stubborn that this wouldnt change me or my life if i just fought bravely!

But it took it out of me getting both treatments and dealing with everything so i just let it go - i took my treatments, i dealt with readmission to hospital with bladder and kidney issues. I just took it all and stopped fighting. I thought losing hair was bad but losing my eyelashes hurt more, how vein was i! 

BUT - and this is important - eventually you finish treatments. Eventually you dont need to make the 160 miles round trip to get 10 mins of Brachytherapy or to be herded into what i called the milking parlour for chemo. Time makes all these things pass, you finish them - they will end.

NOW - this is the time to fight yourself back to yourself. Eat good and nice food, drink the wine and enjoy it. Wear funky hats and scarves until you dont need them because there will come a day when you wont need them and then you can burn them! Get out and walk and feel good you can walk so far with out feeling pain. Read books and rest your body but energise your mind. Time does make such a difference and marking your milestones in a positive way creates a sense of achievement that i never got from fighting bravely - whatever that means. 

It is easy for me to waffle on like this when it has been so long ago but its what i tell anyone who is going through something similar to mine. 

Take it all and then rise up!

Good Luck to all on this *** and frustrating journey.

Much love, R

Thank u that was all lovely and also sounds so like me lol, I’m in the phase of I just want to fill heppy again or have another thought other then cancer ️I’m no where as bad as I was be in February but struggle with it will come back, this is why I messaged you as grade 3 same as u were I might not get as lucky as you but as you say u were a fighter and that would of been the old me but the new me is losing to bad doom and gloom thoughts. I’m glad you stayed clear xx thank u for taking the time to message me but u give me hope that maybe I could beat this xx