I really hope that someone with experience responds.  As for me, you have given me an insight into how my mum must have felt when she was diagnosed.  We had always been close, but the diagnosis changed her.  From that point she detached herself from me and was so depressed.   I had never seen her like that before.  Your post helps me understand how she must feel.

Hugs to you. I've always been a coper, but this has utterly destroyed me. I  just don't have the mental energy to pick myself up and deal with it.

Dear Jaynejane I am so sorry to hear this. I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in aug 2019 having had BC 2016 & now spread to bones. It is a very scary world getting that diagnosis & I'm sorry your treatment is making you so tired. You'll be going through so much adjustment mentally & physically it will be draining.  I like to think of it as maybe not curable but treatable & sure it will probably be there when I die but no way will that happen yet, it's a chronic disease I have. 

Someone told me after my secondary diagnosis to still go ahead & make plans & I thought she was a bit crazy, she too has a stage 4 cancer, but shes right. Just live. Enjoy the spring, delight in the new growth & the sunshine,  look forward to the summer & venturing out back onto your beloved dartmoor. Think further ahead, plan holidays, work  on your house, develop your garden,  whatever your thing is, but do allow yourself to plan.

Try & go out for a walk each day. Its annoying how tiring it is compared to how it was but you can gradually build on it, increasing the amount you walk each week.  I have an ulcer on my heel which has really limited my walking recently.  I used to do 10000 steps a day easily.  Last week I set myself 3600 a day, 4800 this week & next week 6000 a day..... just gradually build up in stages you can handle but if you need a day off that is ok too, although not too many!

Do something you enjoy every day & find something that makes you laugh. You've got this. Lots of love to you 

Dear JayneJane

Have you a specialist nurse that you can speak to.  You really need lots of support.  My mum was always so strong and we always got through everything, but like you, this cancer knocked her over completely.  I never saw her like it.   Contact as many people as you can for support, Macmillan are good for advice.  You must look after your mental health and keep eating healthy food and staying strong.  I know it is easier said than done, but my Mum just let the cancer defeat her, she just gave up and it did not help.  You must try and get the energy to fight back.  As the other replies have said, you can have a life with cancer, there is hope.

liz xxxx

I can't facemaking a telephone call becuase every single thing has been done by phone due to Covid and it's triggered a phobia. but there is little or no support in any other way. The Macmillan centres are still closed to walk ins.Counselling is telephone only - or video conferencing which is even worse as far as I'm concerned

I've had a couple of sessions with the psychology people at the oncology centre but that's also by  phone and it's difficult.

I just don't have the energy to  pick myself up any more.

Hi Janyejane

It is extremely difficult on so many levels, physically from pain, medications and fatigue, and emotionally devastating.  I have lived it every day since my Mum was diagnosed in October last year, also terminal.  However, terminal means that they can't cure it but it is treatable. You must have hope.   Whatever you do, don't shut out people that love you.  My mum did this to me and the rest of the family and it was the worst thing she could have done.  Try to take it easy on yourself, you are going through a lot, have compassion for yourself and let those close to you love you.

Jayne deep breath and breath xxxx. i have no answers for you, this covid is a right *** isnt it, im not in your position but my lovely hubby was. he took one day at a time, enjoyed one day at a time. dont worry about other people, just you carry on as normal. my hubbies was terminal, and after the scare we said ok we cant fix it lets have some bloody fun and we did, we drank we ate all the stuff you shouldnt eat did all the stuff you shouldnt do, but we lived laughed and enjoyed life, and thats my kind words to you, my  love, xxxxxx

But what i want to  do is impossible still because of Covid restrictions, and because my body has been ravaged by chemo and radiotherapy. I can't even knit because the docetaxol has left me with peripheral neuropathy. And now they want me to take one of the immunotherapy drugs that will make my hair fall out again and make me feel sick.

It's like falling out of a boat into rough water, you fight to get to the surface in order to take a quick breath then it breaks over you again. There is no energy left to do anything other than struggle for that breath occasionally.