Hi Silver,

so good to see your name pop up. I am glad you have completed your treatment. Sounds like you are doing really well. 
You have been through so much. 
 

Hormonal treatment is important. I get that. It's just not for me (although every so often I become fearful of it all coming back and should that happen I will then of course deeply regret my decision) It's a tough call. My joints don't ache though and I feel really well just now. I kind of envy your set path but I can't seem to accept it. So that's me. Going on the path of non-medication but secretly rather jealous of your ability to just get on with it!!!! 
 

I try not to dwell on thoughts of a recurrence but that old chestnut does pop up now and then of course.  
 

I have an annual infusion to protect my bones too. 
 

What I wanted to ask you is, do you feel truly well now and 'past' being the  cancer patient?? I think I do.  I DO still sometimes have a flash back to when I was new to it all. It's a hell of a journey. Yours harder than mine of course  but youv'e done it!! It IS a massive feat really. I hope you feel great. I wish you good health always. 
 

I think this cancer journey is a wake up call to embrace life. It's precious and more fragile than we care to think I suppose. Covid is annoying/sad/scary/devastating for some and a massive waste of time for everyone. Roll on freedom!  In a way we have had a blessing to get our treatment completed and start over as healthy women. Yes perhaps a bit frayed at the edges but onward and upward!

I wish you well. 
Kebbs. 

Hi Kebbs

I understand you are not taking hormonal treatment but had your cancer spread to your lymph nodes? Cancer was in 2 of mine and they were removed when I had the masectomy. So it was spreading and that is scary. I also only had 3 rounds of chemo instead of 6 as I ended up back in hospital. I'm grateful that my treatment started just before Covid so I was able to have the radiotherapy too. I think the Anastrazole is an added insurance to prevent it recurring and if I was brave enough I would prefer not to take it. But saying that I feel quite well, I get tired and my energy levels are not the same, but I'm just getting on with my life. The best thing is we got a puppy in October, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. I'm out walking  and training her everyday so good for my fitness. I think about Cancer every day and having an infusion this week brought back memories of the dreadful chemo. It's changed me and little things don't seem so important any more, just hope us survivors have many more years on the planet!

Best wishes to you, thanks for getting in touch.

Silver 

Hello Silver,

I hope you don't mind me contacting you but your story never fails to touch me.  I guess it's  been about 15 months since we both joined this forum. A year of massive change/tough calls and a few tears along the way....I never saw any of it coming as I imagine you didn't either. 
 

I know your journey has been harsh and tough but you never fail to be anything less that balanced about everything that's been thrown at you (of which there has been a lot) 

I am so sad to hear your reconstruction cant take place now because of the after affects of the radiotherapy. I do think the breast reduction will be a good compromise but I am sure you are disappointed. We gear ourselves up for these things don't we? This Covid ridden world has devastated the NHS though and yes it's good to have a date for your op but a year wait. That's hard to get your head round I am sure. 
 

On reflection I know Ivwas relatively 'lucky' with my cancer but I still occasionally have flickers of an imminent death?!! I guess it's quite normal. Cancer is a threat and somehow we have to work out a way to handle that.
 

I think it's changed me too. Not always 100% for the better either!!! I feel I can be less patient with my hyperchondriac friend for example!! Or another friend who sees money as the main driver in her life. Both of them are lovely people in their own right but utterly clueless about how precious it is just to experience a peaceful healthy life. A life without hospital appts and having 'procedures' done that you could so do without. A life without worry that our luck will run out. Perhaps I am being unfair but it's how I feel. 

Anyway just wanted to say I hope you are enjoying that lovely puppy!! Ours is completely mad but we love  her!! We are liking the walking. Keeps us fit. 
 

Stay well. You truly inspire me. 
Kebbs x 

Hi Kebbs,

Thank you for your post. I spend less time on here now, as the memories of last year keep flooding back. It is still 'Living with Cancer' - the thought of recurrence and how that would be is often in my thoughts. But it is a human trait to always live in hope and that's the most positive way to be. I find now I'm getting on with my life even through the dreaded Covid! Have been jabbed, painted the hall, spending lots of time with the puppy and selling unwanted items on Instagram. But never far from my thoughts are the people who also have been through this journey like yourself and helped me be where I am today. I'm thinking carefully about the reconstruction surgery, it's another obstacle to overcome to feel anything like my previous self. Losing a breast is a huge deal and I struggle to find comfortable bras and prothesis. After spending a fortune I've found good old M&S are pretty good.  
I watched a film called 'I Still Believe' this week, about a young musician who meets the love of his life and marries her even though she is diagnosed with cancer of the stomach and liver. True story and he never left her side until she died. That's true love. I'm so lucky to have a man that looks after me and I'm sure I don't appreciate him enough. As you say some friends have no idea of the impact on lives of that day when the Doctors say 'It's Cancer.'

On a more cheerful note, we're off to the Park to burn off some energy of a 7 month old puppy and a looking forward to a nice Valentines Day meal to follow. As soon as this freezing weather recedes, I'll be in the garden planning my cut flower bed and veg patch! 

Best Wishes

Silverv