I was diagnosed with advanced-stage Hodgkin's Lymphoma (HL) at the age of 23. I went through ABVD, which did not work. I then went through DHAP and BEAM, followed by an autologous stem-cell transplant (ASCT). I was in complete remission after the first dose of DHAP, and I am still in remission now (more than 2 years after my rebirthday).

Before chemo, I had a full head of thick hair. After an entire year of non-stop chemo, my hair grew back exactly the same texture and density; one might even argue that it grew back a lot healthier. Then, around 9 months after my transplant, my hair started to fall out diffusely, most noticeably in the temple region and the front of my head. It has gotten so thin that I can see my scalp through the sparse growth. This image has been more traumatic to me than when I was bald whilst on chemo because at least then, I had the hope that my hair would all grow back.

I have asked at least 3 doctors about this, and all 3 gave me the most enraging passing diagnosis that it is classic male pattern baldness. The reason why this has been unconvincing to me is because none of the men in my extended family has this issue, and the fact that people don't just bald overnight. The other reason is because I have read up extensively on the process of hair growth and it makes sense that when the hair cycles are synchronized, there is a chance that they will fall out at the same time. But then again, if the anagen phase lasts for years, how is my hair falling out when it's not been nearly that long?

I have worn a cap for 2 years, and I want to find the courage to live while looking like a balding man, like some of my friends have; but my mental state has deteriorated to a point that I have repeatedly reached the conclusion that I don't feel like living anymore. I know this makes me sound weak, and vain, and pathetic, but I have waited patiently for life to go back to normal but my hair is a constant reminder of the trauma that I had to go through. My grandmother passed away shortly after my diagnosis, after locking herself in a room for 2 weeks; and I have always felt somewhat responsible. I am so done with all of this.

I've been trying to gather more information about this online for months by now. I have read many posts by people who have faced the same problem—delayed hair thinning post-chemotherapy. However, I have not read even a single post that addresses the possibility of a recovery. Some of these posts are more than 10 years old and I just wish they could come back and tell me that my hair will grow back to the same thickness pre-chemotherapy.