Ok,

So I started off all positive about this cancer journey lark, thinking it was gonna be cut out, radiotherapy and that was it.

Since then, I've gone through two operations, the last one being last week, after my results from the first op came back very disappointing.

They found cancer cells at the edge of the grade 3 tumour margin they removed and both my lymph nodes tested positive for cancer.  So last week, I had additional tissue removed, turning my breast measurements into a 38B/Fcup!  I also had my lymph nodes removed - turns out I had 20 and they left 5.  I was also told I had Stage 2 cancer.

I had my results call today and I've been feeling sick to my stomach since then.  The good news was my breast tissue was clear, so no more chipping at my little girl - woo!  The lymph nodes were a real disappointment though.  In total they've taken 15 and they all tested positive for cancer.

Obviously, I let family know and this time we were all a bit more prepared for bad news.  However, it's what the lymph nodes being saturated with cancer means - there *might* be cancer elsewhere.  I have to have a CT scan in the coming weeks, along with an Echo, to make sure my heart is tickety boo (well obvs it's not, because it's in bits at having to put my family through all this).  The other side of the coin is there may not be cancer anywhere else, but I'm an 80% risk of gastric cancers, because I have gastric polyps, a concern I have consistently raised with my consultant, so I'm gonna be one lucky Unicorn Lady if I escape without secondaries.

If they do find cancer elsewhere on the CT scan, it will dictate what flavour chemo cocktail I've gotta have, because I was warned it wasn't off the table.  Well, there it is, a big chemo cosmopoliton, sitting in front of me.

I'm feeling sick already and I haven't even started chemo yet, but what's keeping me going is the fact that I'm soon gonna know what I look like with a mohawk.....

Anyhoo, as I said before, I'm using this forum to vent my frustration and anger at what I'm going through.  I'm holding it all together for family and friends, because I'm kinda strong - not made from girders strong (though I did love Irn Bru growing up) but I'm also very accepting of what is happening to me.

Work is now a point in the far distant future - can I go to work between chemo bouts?  Is it wise to do so in the current climate?  I work in a school, a breeding ground for germies, so unsure.  Has anyone else had a fistful of naughty nodes with no secondaries?  Reassurance, anyone?

As you can tell, I'm totally upside down, inside out, angry, calm, scared.  Yep there I said it.  I'm scared.