In February my mum was diagnosed with stage 3b non-small cell lung cancer. The consultant and the oncologist were both really positive. The consultant said that 10-15 years the diagnosis would have been bad news. The oncologist said that they're aiming to cure the cancer. She made it seem like treating lung cancer was a piece of cake. When my mum asked the oncologist if it was true that lung cancer was one of the hardest cancers to treat, she said it wasn't at all. She gave my mum an aggressive chemo and radiation treatment plan and she said that my mum's cancer type means that she's elligible for immunotherapy.
My mum has completed her chemo and radiation; it was very short, about a month. She had 20 radiation sessions and 2 chemos. My mum felt really horrible, especially after the second chemo, but they said that it was a very strong chemo. Apart from being really weak and having to have infusions for magnesium, my mum seems well and there's been no serious complications with the treatment.
My mum is having a PET scan in mid-May, but I'm so scared. What if the treatment hasn't worked? I worry even if it has, what if the cancer comes back or the immunotherapy doesn't work? I have this intense fear and dread before each of my mum's hospital appointments. My mum seems strong and she wants to live. She's 70, but both the consultant and oncologist said that she's young. My mum doesn't smoke anymore (she gave up 13/14 years ago- she was quite a heavy smoker), has stopped drinking during the treatment as she said that she doesn't want anything to interfere with treatments and is eating really healthily. She even got a friend whose a dietician to give her advice on what to eat. I really hope that my mum's healthy habits pay off. I have a friend whose mum also has cancer (a different type), but she continues to smoke and drink and the cancer has come back.
I'm really scared about the future and losing my mum. The doctors seem positive despite the stage 3b diagnosis and not being able to operate. I also know someone where I work whose mum had lung cancer ten years ago; the tumour was the size of a fist and they couldn't operate on it (must have been quite advanced if they couldn't operate), but they managed to completely shrink it and she's still alive and cancer free. That gives me hope, but when I hear about stories of others who didn't make it, I get scared. I try to remind myself that my mum is under the best care, she's going to have immunotherapy and every case is different.
People say to live in the moment, but it's hard. It's hard not to worry about the future. How can I stop these worries. I seemed more at ease when my mum was having treatment; but now that she's completed treatment, the anxiety is resurfing. I don't feel like talking to any of my friends because none of them get it because they haven't had a loved one go through cancer. They have big families with both parents alive and they don't have to worry about anything. I'm 28 and my beloved dad died from a heart attack when I was 14. I have a tiny family and no extended family. I'm not close with my brother. I don't have a partner or any kids or pets. I feel that if my mum died, I would have no one to live for. I know that I have my friends but I'm not crucial to their lives. I doubt that I'll ever meet a man, as I have such bad luck and no one wants me. I never used to want kids, but I feel that maybe I should have kids so that I'd have a reason to live and get up each day which is selfish. I'm not even ready for kids and wouldn't want to have one without being in a committed relationship.
Sorry for the ramble, I'm in a very bad place.
