Hi there Cara

I'm so sorry to hear that your mum is going through this, and I can totally understand how worried you are.  My mum was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer a couple of weeks before Christmas.  It is the worse thing imaginable and it makes you feel so very helpless.

Yes you should write down questions, we asked the following:

1. What is the aim of the treatment?  You need to think about what the answer might be here - it is likely to be connected to the longterm out look and prognosis - if you dont want to know time frames or life expectancy be prepared tha they might say it is to prolong life and is not to cure.

2. Ask about side effects of treatment.

3.Ask about length of treatment - in both appointments to have treatment and also the course.

4. Ask about 2nd opinions.  Its ok to ask this.

5. Ask how treatment might impact on normal life (although normal life is no longer normal), taking trips, exercise, going out and socialising etc.

6. Ask about the name of the drugs being offered.

7. Ask about any clinical trials available.

8. Ask what you can do to support your mum.

I hope these help.  I am semding you and your mum much love and hope.  If you have any other questions, please ask.

Nicola

Hi thanks for the reply she has already been told it's not going to be cured. :( 

thanks for the list of questions 

hope your mum gets though it and your ok

here for you if you need a chat xx 

Hi Cara 

 I would say that even if its not curable it could be treatable.  lots of people live with lung cancer now, as a chronic illness.  Treatments are changing and new treatments are coming through all of the time.  Lung cancer is not the death sentence it once was.  I might be overly optimistic, or even unrealistic, but I can't give up hope.  My mum is so precious to me, and my best friend, my world.  I just can't bear the thought of giving up. 

Have you been on to the Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation website. 

https://www.roycastle.org/

There are many hopeful, inspirational and positive stories on the site.  People diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer with mets to the brain/liver/ spine and much worse are still living and thriving 5 years on.  Please don't give up hope yet.  Wait to see what the Doctors say about treatment, and then you can make some considered decisions. 

Stay safe and positive.  If you want to talk, I'm here.

Nicola

Hi there

I agree with you about prognosis.  I'm not sure how helpful it is and I think it's important to stay focused on the now.  I don't want to know, and I don't want my mum or dad to know, so i deliberately don't ask those questions. I'm more interested in how I can make my mum normalise and get used to a different kind of normal, which, considering Covid-19 measures now being taken, is becoming more and more surreal.  Difficult too, as I cannot visit or be there to hold her hand whe she gets down.  I'm lucky because she's not on her own, and my dad is there.

I hope you and your mum are OK.  Don't focus on the cancer returning in the future, focus on the here and now, and your mum.

Take care

Nicola

I shall look on the link thank you :) xx