Hi everyone,

I have read other posts on these forums & I believe it may be helpful to get some other peoples opinions based on their experiences, I think it might help me & my family. 

My mum has always encouraged me & my sister to be open and honest with each other no matter how we feel, so growing nothing was hidden and we always worked through problems openly and as a family. I'm 24, my sisters are 20 and 4, my mum is 45. In Sept 2018 she was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer (large tumour on her pancreas, that was blocking her duodenum, it luckily hasn't spread), she was offered chemo to help buy time which has worked up until now. The whole process has been a physical, emotional & mental struggle for us all in many different ways. So since then we have raised money to help her get proton beam therapy (she was refused this treatment on the NHS because it’s too dangerous), which all felt really positive & promising.

However, she has deteriorated a lot recently, she had an internal bleed possibly from the tumour and was refused chemo (which means that she wouldn’t be able to have proton beam) however, she stabilised and they have allowed her to have chemo again which is good. It’s hit her hard this time, but she is doing okay. But one thing that me & my sister have noticed recently, is that she is very ‘do or die’ when it comes to making decisions or spending money. Me, my mum & sister had been on holiday in Feb (booked before she had the internal bleed) and we noticed how poorly she actually is & what she is like with money.

She spends £1000s when sales are on and constantly wants to book holidays, we’re not sure whether this is a coping mechanism or that she might be in denial and using this as a distraction. I just want to help her as she would with us if she saw that we were struggling mentally, as I said before we’ve always been really open about we feel and I feel like if I don’t address this I am going against what she taught me. But I feel like I know what response I’ll get, I think she’ll say “well I’m going to die anyway so what’s wrong?”. She uses it as a reason to spend money.

I’ve already tried to approach her and suggest that I think she needs help from a professional, but depending on what mood she is in she might agree but she will never do anything about it. I’m lost and just don’t know what to do anymore, all I want to do is help her. I want to enjoy her life and feel like herself again, I'm just worried she is too far gone.

Sorry that it's so long winded, it’s just been a long 17 months and so much has happened I can’t even begin to put it into words.

Thank you x