Hi,
I thought I would create a post, just to get a few things off my chest. It all started last year, start of 2019 I as diagnosed with leukaemia, I spent pretty much 9 months in hosptail having chemos, getting over infections, having bloods, attending appointments, then in September 19, I went into remission.
since November time I've been having problems with swallowing, eating and drinking, heamotology thought I just had a throat infection or a fungus infection so treated me for both. Then in January I was diagnosed with multiple DVT's, both legs and abdomen completely swelled up and still are (3 months on), after multiple admissions to hosptail this year for the clots, I'm still unable to walk and rely on a wheelchair to get around! Despite morphine and blood thinning injections, well anyway back to not being able to swallow, during my admissions for dvt, I mentioned I couldn't eat, so I saw an ent dr, who arranged for me to have a biopsy (2 weeks ago), this Thursday just gone, I went back to get my results, turns out that I have throat cancer; but I've not even been in remission for five months from leukaemia, I can't understand why I am so cursed, 2 cancers, Dvts all the infections, I sometimes think it would be better to go to bed and not wake up, I don't know if I can face all the treatments again, and all the problems, i am an emotional wreck, I'm trying to keep a happy face on, when i am around people, but I'm private my crying, feel lonely and want to curl up and die. This throat cancer is so painful, and really effecting me. I feel that perhaps my time is up. I mean come on 5 months, not exactly a lifetime, it's not even a dip in the ocean. I feel cancer is picking on me, I hate cancer, I wish it didn't exist, it's true the adverts say it does not discriminate, and it certanly does not, it's seems to want me dead.
I am so confused and angry right now, with myself; I just don't know how I am going to get through this for a second time so soon.
sorry to moan and whinge, I just needed to vent.
Alex
