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Husband not helping

Ado
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Hi all, thanks in advance for helping me if you can. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the start of the year and have had 3 surgeries so far. Ill need a lot of other treatment too. Generally my husband appears  to be great - comes to appointments and helps out.  However if I want to do something my way, or ask him to step out while I prepare for surgery (one example) he completely loses his temper. That happened today and I also had the worse day with bad care after surgery. Then I had lots of nasty messages from him saying I'm selfish because I wouldnt let him stay. Tonight when i tried to explain why I wanted him out (its just easier to go through the rigmarole of surgery prep alone as its cramped as it is) he really lost his temper. Its from I suppose his frustration that he wants to help but a)I feel he should respect my wishes with little things around my treatment and b) an angry man shouting at me is NOT what  I need the day of my third surgery in 6 weeks. 

We got married in December. I don't know what to do, he just stomps around and doesnt listen but then will appear to be (and sometimes  is) the greatest caregiver. 

 

Any advice? Please someone reply :( 

Ado

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    Hi Ado

    As someone who has went through breast cancer treatment I feel for you. From what I get from your post is that you have a husband that wants to be involved and be supportive but is a wee bit lost in terms of how best to do this. I think its easier for the person with cancer going through tretment rather than loved ones who have to stand back and just watch whats happening with their loved one, at least us patients have some control but loved ones don't have any and it must be very difficult for them. 

    If it were me I would think of things he could do, men like to solve things, so a long list of chores/support/decision making (within limits) will allow him to feel useful, less frustrated and feel some control of events. Its a shame its come to this but as someone who went through it alone, I would have welcomed someone who had my back. x

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