Firstly they won't stop his treatment if you call them up, there's no miracle cure, Cemo can shrink the tumors, but they come back again. Sometimes operation neaded but depends on health and fitness, remember sometimes(, I'm not medicley trained some of this could be wrong) 

Hi there ..

I'm a tad confused by your thread ... is your dad on his own going through this? If so I can't imagine how he is coping ... and it seems your concerned about a will and funeral arrangements... I would have thought you'd be more worried about how he is coping ... no wonder he doesn't want to talk about things..  

I'm sure your dad would feel better if the subject wasn't about when he dies ... but more about him coping now ...  Chrissie  : ((

Hi hun

Bless you. A good rant helps us all and I should know. 

I haven't any medical knowledge other than to concur with billygoat really. They definitely won't stop any treatment because you have called them. 

The nurses are lovely and will be answering loads of questions just like yours so don't worry about this. 

It would appear that he could be in denial but may just want to the positives and this could be his way of coping and what works for him.

Not much help am I I'm afraid. 

Can only lend you a sympathetically ear and pass on loves and hugs I'm afraid xxxxc

Hi there, no one wants to discuss a will and funeral arrangements when they are battling cancer, you need a positive attitude to cope and it sounds like he has this attitude, so go with the flow and how he wants to cope with it.  My husband has battled cancer for two years, it's incurable but he won't give in.  We have never discussed funerals, it's not what he wants to hear about.  We don't even go to funerals anymore as it's too close to home!  So let him do this his way and support him with positive thoughts not negative ones.  There will be plenty if time when he gets to the stage of being really unwell to sort things out.  Kind regards, Carol 

Thanks all for this. I am just frustrated as he won’t keep me updated so I can help. I only know when he has been unwell after he gets out of hospital then he tells me he is ok and cured until the next thing happens. I know he doesn’t want to talk about funerals and such but when is the right time. What if I leave it too late then I won’t know what he wanted. Again it is the not knowing so I can help and respect his wishes. 

Hi Crissie thanks for your post. My dad is on his own which is the main problem. He won’t tell me anything until after. I feel so useless. Telling me the cancer is cured and he is going to live foe another 30 years means I can’t go into work and organise time off to go down to London. I can only get so much compassionate leave. I now don’t know whether to do it now or later. Talking funerals is just another issue I want to be involved in but don’t know when the right time is to ask. What if I leave it too late or he dies on his own because I didn’t know how serious it is. I don’t want him to be on his own at the end. But I don’t think he would tell me.

thanks for reading my rant 

I feel so useless. 

Hi Billy goat, always read your advice as it's good.  We're pretty organised with Wills made, funeral payments in place blah, blah, but hubby doesn't care because he says, he won't be here!  So, yes it's nice to be organised but he may have all this in place but Dad's want to stay Dad's, mine wants to protect ours as although they are in their forties he still thinks of them as his little girls.  Well done for getting this far were aiming for the same.  Best wishes, Carol x

Hi there ..

Well you've made things a tad clearer ... and I can see your worried bout your dad ... that is the main thing now ... as someone going through my journey with cancer ... I've taken control over everything from treatment to funerals .. with total support of my amazing surgeon and family ...

Now l wrote my wishes down when I was newly diagnosed with cancer that was a grade 3 .. I planned my funeral .. and made plans for leaving my things / money too ..  I wrote them down and put them away untill needed .. now don't take this wrong, and it's just my thoughts .. but if my kids / family had asked me about a will or funeral arangments... I would have been really angry .. 

If I were you, I'd ask him to write down anything he'd like to say in a letter for later .. and tell him, your just worried about him .. and if you stop asking , I'm betting he will slowly let you in ...  you may think you understand cancer... but untill you go through it , you can only imagine .. 

I lost my mum suddenly from a heart attack and had no chance to even say those things like I was so proud to be her daughter... I talked to her on the phone one Monday morning,  and at 5.20 that day she'd gone ... you have your dad here right now .. let him lead the way .. tell you what he wants to tell you... none of us knows if we have tomorrow... maybe he doesn't mind what funeral you give him .. maybe he doesn't want to know how long he's got left ... nor do l ... I live in the day .. make as many memories as I can every day .. 

Just be with him when you can .. hold his hand .. talk to him .. ask him about his life .. he gave you life .. he helped you walk on your own .. watched you grow from a child to an adult .. now its time to help him on his journey,  weather a day month or year ... just be there when you can ... you have the chance I never had with my mum .. don't waste it by talk about things he doesn't want too .. just go with him .. 

Chrissie x

Thanks for giving me the other side perspective. I lost my mum suddenly 2 years ago. I didn’t get the chance to be there for her. I wasn’t told by my stepdad that she was ill. again I was left out not included and I never got to say goodbye. Maybe this is part of it. I don’t want it too happen again. Thank you so much I had not put the connection together.