Hi ya ...

I can only tell you what worked for us ... my granddaughter in pic , was only 5 when I was diagnosed... and as one of my earliest memories as a child was everyone of the grown ups lying to me when my grandad had a heart attack,  and died .. they were probly trying to protect me as I was young .. but then another child told me " your grandads dead" I still live with the hurt and betrayal that my family lied for what ever reason ... 

So we were gently honest with my amazing granddaughter.... we told her nanny was very poorly and the Drs were going to TRY to make nanny better.... and when she asked me one day if l was going to die, l told her if I did I'd be the little star next to the bright one, that I've always told her is my mum... and I'd look down every night, and she could look up and I'd be there ...

She was so o.k with this .. only answering what they ask about .. they will both know daddy will be very poorly ... but saying the Drs will do all they can to make him better really is gentle honesty .. they will still feel some emotions but if you all share them emotions as a family , the children will know it's o.k to cry, feel sad sometimes .. that's part of life and sharing ..

Your 10 year old may be a tad different ... I've herd McMillan do books for children to read to understand what's happening ... it's a crying shame they've not stepped up to the mark like their adverts that say they will be there every step of the way with cancer ... why say it on t.v and do the opposite... I've always championed McMillan,  I used to volunteer and visit people with cancer and find out if they needed anything and sort it out .. before my cancer .. but waiting months is inexcusable...

I hope you get others with their stories on helping children ... esp your 10 year old .. but keep gentle honesty in mind ... sending you all a big hug ...  Chrissie xx

Hello, 

im very sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to go about these things, nobody knows your children like you do although I will tell you what we’ve done in regards to telling our 12 year old son.

I am 36 and have stage 4 bowel and liver cancer, my son is aware that I’m very ill and that I go to hospital every 2 weeks for medicine to try and make me better. I’ve never mentioned the word cancer to him, I didn’t want to scare him. Since diagnosis I feel like everywhere I turn is a Macmillan advert or something cancer related and I would rather him not be aware of just how serious everything is and have as normal childhood as possible. So currently 9 months in he is still not aware what my condition is. I have told him if he has any questions to ask me and I would be honest with him but I don’t actually think he wants to know.

obviously if things deteriorate then we will sit him down and discuss it with him but for the moment I just want him to enjoy being a child and not have to worry about his mum. 

Sending big hugs to you all at this difficult time, the first couple of months are extremely hard and emotionally draining xxxx 

Hi, our grandchildren were four, six and nine when hubby was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer.  The eldest was very sensitive and his Mum didn't want cancer mentioned, so we just told him that Grandad was quite poorly and needed treatment, he might lose his hair and not feel up to playing as he normally would.  They accepted this and never asked questions, just be honest with them but not to the point of scaring them, children are far more capable of coping than we give them credit for.  This was two years ago and after the chemo and radiotherapy Grandad is still here and the word cancer has never been said.  My thoughts are with you, post if you need more help, everyone on this forum has real experience of cancer and the pitfalls so you will always receive honest replies.  Carol x

hi

Im sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. I have 2 children aged 7 and 9 and was diagnosed with breast cancer about 6 weeks ago. We told our children about a week ago as we wanted to be able to tell them exactly what would happen when. My treatment will include chemo, an op and then radiotherapy, however we only chose to tell them about the chemo at this stage as it’s a lot to take in. We didnt use the word cancer with them, I said that I had a bug in my body and that the doctors have said that I need some strong medicine to kill it and I’ve talked them through how it will make feel and look.  

The thing that upset my eldest the most was me losing my hair, he asked a lot more questions about whether it was a disease, whether it had spread, could I get a wig that made me look the same.  He then kicked into action, and protection mode. He still asks questions and we’ve been honest with him.

the youngest has just started to ask me questions about how the medicine kills the bug, so I’ve used the analogy of an army, and explained that the bug is hiding behind the army that protects my body, and the medicine has to knock the army over to get to the bug, but then allows the army to get up again before it goes in for another battle. This seemed to work for him.

Ultimately you know your children best, they are incredibly resilient. I hope your conversation is the best it can be. Let me know how you get on. 

WL