I totally understand and went through exactly that with my op on first of November, same fears, tears at strange times etc. It was such a big life changer for me, a health, sports minded 53 year old, don’t smoke don’t drink etc but the whys and wherefore are not important really - it is a very common cancer and it has been humbling to be with people on the ward going through far worse than me and then meeting people in my community and village who have been through all sorts but yes, the size of it, and by size i mean the looming large of that c word seems too big sometimes. My wife and friends have been brilliant but i too have wondered where it will end. But my op was good and nhs wonderful and don’t be scared if you do need chemo - they do know what they are doing. They will give you the results and sit down with you to discuss what next - you might not even need chemo if results are very good. There are so many of us in the community - in my AA group we even have a little cancer sub group. I do wish you well and you are not alone. I found that being honest and reaching out to people has worked - 99 percent will respond with love, concern and offers of cake and the 1 percent can be safely ignored. Good luck

Hi [@nexus63]‍ ,

I don't know how you're feeling now, but it's ok to be scared. One of the worst parts of dealing with cancer is waiting for results! This is a terrible disease, so it is normal that you are scared. However you must do your best to not think so much on what is going to happen (easier said than done I know). When you don't know what is going to happen, it gives you a feeling of despair, not being in control, be bewildered, to be lost. Please let us know how did it go for you. We are here to support each other.

Take care**

thank you steph and to the other people who replied to my post i am very grateful for all the words of encouragment.  i saw my surgeon yesterday and most of the news was postive, some of the wound is still not closing and i have the district nurses coming in, but they got all the tumor but are not sure if some of the cancer went into the wall of my bowel or to some of the blood vessels so they are recommending i go for other treatment, i will see an oncologist and do what they think is best.

i am worried about chemotherapy, i live on my own and survive on benefits.....will the chemo make me ill will i be ok on my own, will i need to get taxis back and forth.

thanks again xx

Hi,
It's wonderful they got all the tumor out! That gives you good chances of getting well. 
It's very important that you follow what doctors tell you, and it seems you're doing that.
About the financial and support issues I really don't know what to say, but usually is important to have at least moral support around you. You still don't know what is going to happen, but if you're going through chemotherapy, the psychological is fundamental. 

The side effects are very different from treatment to treatment, and for each person. My boyfriend was able to drive during the first rounds of chemo, only now, he is considerably worse and has become more disabled and dependent on others, but in any case, I hope you have some family and friends too reach for. Please do your questions to your oncologist because he/she is the best person to take your doubts.

Take care*