HI Mick,

Welcome to our forum, although I'm really sorry for the reason that has brought you here. You are dealing with a truly nightmarish situation.

I can only speak from my own experience. My own mother had breast cancer for 12 years before she was told that she had metastases in her brain, bones, liver and lungs.That was 21 years ago and treatments were nowhere nearly as advanced as they are  today. Mum was always a very mild mannered and positive person, but her personality changed very quickly. This was without surgery, as they said that surgery wasn't an option then.

Mum became very afraid of death and very agitated. This is not an easy situation to deal with at the best of times. How is your son coping with this latest diagnosis and is he still living with his mum? Have you informed his teachers of what is happening in his life? It is usually best to do this.

Has a prognosis been given, or do you want to know? Is she still at home or in hospital and, does she have carers if she is at home?

I can appreciate that you wouldn't normally write on a forum like this. Neither would I, but desperation can necessitate desperate measures at times. You are totally anonymous here and are speaking to others, who are going through the misery that cancer causes as well.

If you don't like the idea of posting on a public forum, you can always private message people individually. If you want to hear from more people about brain tumours, go to the blue banner at the top of this page, click on the search facility and enter 'brain tumour', then click. This should bring up previous posts on the topic, which you may find helpful.

Please keep in touch. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Hi Jolamine.

Thank you so much for your reply it means a lot. I am sorry to hear about your mother knowing people are going through or have been through something like this is awful. How old were you when that happened if you don't mind me asking ? My son's mother was always so happy and cheerful sometimes too much even after her first op 6 year ago. But now totally different bless her. My son can be lazy and need a kick up the backside (not physically) sometimes but everything he seems to do annoys her twice as much she is at home at the minute she had a seizure last week and a scan revealed something on the other side of her brain which she is now waiting to see a specialist about. She has carers twice a day there, she is able to do most things but her memory is bad so they are there for her medication for epilepsy. Its really difficult as she is reluctant to know if the worst could happen soon so I cannot know the full details if she doesn't want to know as her medical information is obviously private.Chemo is maybe an option we will find out next week but she is quite certain she does not want to go through with chemo She does not wish for him to know she has cancer ,after her second op we told him that she would need some treatment afterwards and it could make her a bit unwell l. He does not quite understand how tragically serious this is and i'm afraid that it might hit him all at once if he isn't prepared. My son is staying between us, mostly with me. I am a 35 year old single dad and have full custody of my youngest 9 year old son whos mother is in a very violent relationship so things are tough at the minute, a neutral but experienced point of view is very valuable. Please excuse the mess of my typing also. And anything i havent answered please remind me.

Thank you so much.

Hi Mick

Thanks for sharing, this is the best place to unload, as you say. Speaking from my own experience, I'm in the same position as your ex, ,y brain tumour has also come back and it sucks, it was a grade 3 first time around, and now it is a grade 4, my doctors won't operate, so i am doing chemo through tablet form, keeping eveyrthing crossed that it works.

what your ex is going through is normal have a look here and maybe if you read up on some stuff it might help you understand her better. www.thebraintumourcharity.org/.../

I myself am going to get a 2nd opinion from Harley Street clinic, it can't hurt you could always set a crowd funding page up, people are generous when it comes to horrible illnesses i wish you all th best and really hope your ex pulls through this

God bless

Parmz

Hi parmz thank you so much for your reply. Your circumstances seem very similar I am so sorry about that. It has also been 6 year since my son's mothers came back. She is such a strong person I really hope she can find something that is going to help her. I have read most of the stuff on Google I found that page that you posted very informative and could relate to most of it. I am hoping that next week her specialists gave good news and that they can help her as much and as long as possible. Its so hard knowing she isn't going to be the way she was and that one day this horrible condition could take her for good.but I believe in her she has beaten it once like yourself you can do it again.

I hope you get an answer you are looking for and can work from there on it I really do bless you. Thanks again :)

Hi Mick,

I was 36 when mum was first diagnosed and I had 2 young children. Your description of your son being lazy and needing a proverbial kick up the back-side, makes him sound like most 14 year old boys!

Not telling your son is a big mistake. At 14 he is old enough to take everything in and, he must already be wondering why the carers are coming in twice a day. The advice given here is to always to tell your children as soon as possible, as they have big ears and a natural curiosity. Imagine the shock if he comes home one day and overhears a conversation or, Heaven forbid, finds that she has passed away. How will he feel then, knowing that you knew but never told him?

The grieving process starts when we know that a loved one is preparing to leave us and, you son needs this as much as you. Your son is at a stage where his body is changing. If you don’t tell him now, you could find yourself landed with an angry and hurt teenager, who ends up blaming you if his mum is no longer here. We didn’t tell my daughter that her great-granny had died until after the funeral. She was only 2½ then, but she was really upset that we hadn’t told her at the time. She is 40 now, and still brings this up occasionally. For what it’s worth, I think that you are right and it might hit him very hard if he is not prepared for it.

I sincerely hope that there is better news next week and that she might be able to have chemo to try and give her a little longer. I can understand your ex’s reluctance to go through with chemo and confess, that if I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t want it either.

You really seem to be in amongst it at the moment. It can’t be easy with your youngest son’s mother either. I really feel for you.

I shall be thinking of you all next week as she undergoes further tests for the other side and sincerely hope that they don’t find anything untoward there.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Hi Mick

I have everything crossed for you and your ex partner, just stay positive, that really helps. I've stopped reading stuff on Google it's so depresssining plus evryone is different we could be in the lucky 25% that can beat this

Kind Regards

Parm z x

Hi Parmz,

I sincerely hope that both of you are in the lucky 25%.

Thinking of you and praying for a good outcome.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you Jolamine xx