Hi there ...

Oh my ...can't imagine what saying that to you must feel like ... how was she before your diagnosis ?  

Have you got any children, and what do they say ... have you got support from anyone else ?..

My heart goes out to you... we don't want just sympathy ... but kindness and support cost nothing ...the one thing a cancer diagnosis shows us, is just how much people care .. and who turns a back ... think most of us have seen both after diagnosis...

I hope you get other help and advice on here ... but some might think she's maybe hurting ... but to me, there's no excuse for saying that ... sorry can't be more helpful ... but just know you'll get lots of support on here ...  Chrissie  x

Hi Michaeloff that is an awful comment to make. Just point out to your wife, that without the Operation, there is almost certainly one outcome further down the line for a lot of people with Prostrate Cancer.  What is needed is support and not commentsa like this. Look towards others around you and on here for support. I`m so fortunate that I have a loving immediate family and other close family members. Just stay positive and you will get through this. LukeB

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Hello Michaeloff.  So sorry that you are having to go through this.  If this is not your wife's normal behaviour she may be saying things like "you're not dying" in the belief that if she says them then it won't happen (if that makes any sense).  However (a) it is still very nasty and (b) it does not excuse the abuse.  Have you tried to ask her why she is being so nasty?

A little story.  My mum and dad were friendly with a couple who lived near them.  My mum died (cancer) and the husband of their friends died.  My dad and the widowed friend became friendly and one day I said something about "(ladies' name) is not likely to marry again" or something like that.  I still cringe to this day when remembering what I said.  I understand that I had a fear of my dad remarrying but really how awful of me.  Fear drove me and really it would have been great if they had married - I just could not cope with it at the time.  I only tell this tale to illustrate that people can be nasty under stress.

Please do let off steam here as and when you like.  Annie

Hi Annieliz I thought the same with the comment. Certainly not something you would want to hear. Like your little story and people say things they do not mean under stress. The pain I am experiencing at the moment is so difficuklt to control as it`s still early days following major surgery and an uncertain future. I`ve been a bit short tempered some times and say things I would never normally say and certainly never ever think of saying to my wife. But lack of sleep, medication, stress and generally feeling unwell all takes its toll. 

Thanks guys I appreciate your support, I’m concentrating on my operation date ( December or January) & trying to remain positive. We are talking now but only to be civil in front of the family, she hasn’t apologised & in the heat of it told me I was a tramp , & the reason we haven’t been intimate for 6 yrs is she can’t stand me :( I’ve moved into the spare bedroom , she is only concerned about how much time shell have to take off work when I’m home from hospital ! This cancer has made me re evaluate my life & relationship thanks again xx 

Hi Michael,

Hmmm - I'm pretty sure that unreasonable behaviour is still grounds for divorce! 

Seriously, this isn't about her ... so don't let her make it be about her. Having cancer makes many of us re-examine our relationships with all sorts of people, life is too short to put up with this sort of cr@p :-( 

Best wishes

Dave 

Oh bless ya ... sounds like you've been a hero to stay so long ... agree with all Dave said ... well you'll always have someone here to help you through ... still shocks me how nasty people turn out to be ..

I hope you kick cancers butt... then find someone who appreciates you ... you hold on .. and always here when you want a chat ... 

Chrissie x

Hello

 so sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to say my husband had his prostate removed 4 years ago, by robot.  Once he had recovered from the op, he was fine.  It's an amazing procedure, so be positive about the outcomes for you physically.  Emotionally, you deserve better support.  Good luck. Xx

Hi there, I was diagnosed with colon cancer lasts year, had an illeostomy and this year have subsequently had a. illeostomy reversal , finding life with this quite traumatic, as not going as well as I had hoped. I would just like to empathise with you regarding your wife’s  attitude. My husband is also being horrible, he says that I have ruined his life, as he can’t go on holiday or even just out for a whole day (my current situvhation with my bowel renders me unable to be away from the loo for any length of term, attempting to go out has proven disastrous for want of a better word !  When I was first diagnosed, he chose to bury his head in the sand, but st no time did he offer me much support. He’s complained incessantly about the trips to hospital , and just goes on and on about how his life is over . Whenever I say anything to him about how I feel he just ignores me or just goes on about poor him. I’m afraid I can’t offer you any words of wisdom, as I don’t know how to cope myself. I have 2 grown up children, who both live mikes away, but have been very supportive, but they have their own families to care for, and I can’t keep burdening them with my problems. Sorry I haven’t been of any help to you, but just to let you know your not alone on this journey, and hope that we will find strength in knowing we can get through this and deal with all the obstacles along the way. Stay strong.