I surely cant be the only 19 year old who just wants to have the life of a teenager. i have signed up to learn british sign language just becuase i miss the eduation and the feeling i had a purpose or a deadline that wasnt health related. i miss my teacher saying you have two weeks to do this essay, rather than my mum saying "we dont know what will be happeneing in two week!" not becuase i am close to dying but we dont know if i will be ill or have an infection. I mean over the near year i was supposed to be at home in bed with my mum and step-dad watching the fireworks at midnight and snuggerling up nice and warm in my bed, instead i was in an uncomfortable hospital bed, cold, alone and not enjoying seeing 2018 in. i cant relate to my friends about how i feel becuase at the end of the day they arent having chemotherapy, they dont have the pain of mucacitis in their mouth. blisters and ulcers popping and rubbing as i eat a peice of toast and then having the deal with the after mass as it goes into my stomach and bowels. Gut rest for three days.... i hope there is someone who is out there that can just talk and help me undertand i am not alone in this world and im not the only one suffering.
