Next challenge will be getting there for it, some scumbag rear ended my car in the early hours of this morning and because it was an old car, it's being written off. Grrrr
Thx 're avatar. I think that's what i want to say to anyone I reply to - that they're beautiful.
I've been thinking the same thing rileyroo. One of the shortest and weirdest interviews I've ever been to.
Alas at least my hair and nails looked good!!!
Going to my first breast cancer support group. Am feeling the emotions brewing in background. No matter how much I try to change my mindset and try to get life back on track I still don't feel its me. Know what i mean? Will I ever feel the same as before about alot of things?
Rileyroo how are your emotions now you've stopped treatment?
Honestly? I’m all over the place. I think I was so focussed on getting through the op and radiotherapy that I didn’t think about what came next or how I would feel at the end of active treatment ie so knackered I haven’t
been able to think straight for the last week. Add the car issue in the mix and well...
Have to say I’ve felt a bit better today, physically and mentally. Managed to walk to the shop at a better pace than yesterday, the local snails were laughing at me as they overtook yesterday. Feeling a bit more like my usual self, helped son sort some stuff for his car, yes some one smacked his on the street outside the house, luckily, it only (!) damaged the offside rear view mirror so we’ve spent three days trying to get another one, brand new from manufacturer was going to be over £400 and he can’t afford that on what he earns.
I’ve sorted another car out for me as well so feel a bit less stuck now, insurance is going to be a nuisance but I’ll have to sort that, all part of life’s rich tapestry, blah, blah. Feel like I’ve achieved something today!
Know what you mean about mindset, I’m not sure where mine is set. I think on the surface I’ll get back to where I was but the way I approach life and my views on people have changed and I can’t see that reverting. Realised who my friends are maybe and what is important to me?
That goes without saying - people who are there for you at this time. We all I think get thru the op, appts treatment because it feels like we're doing something about it and the overwhelming emotions are there but they only come to the surface to remind us and we don't deal with them because we are busy getting through it all. Then the symptoms and tiredness appear after treatment as the expectation is there that we'll be our normal self but that's not the case. We feel its over and the feelings we encounter make us deal with cancer and the reality of how serious an illness we've got. Then all the complications I encountered along with the anger of being made redundant whilst getting to diagnosis - I think I need to get help and myself sorted before it gets too big to solve. This is hard and I've let it all out now!
The emotions are all over the place and just when you think it's fine, it comes to bother you again! Family is there and I've tried talking but it hasn't helped. Hopefully I'll be able to speak with a counsellor soon.
I didn’t get made redundant, still don’t know how you managed to deal with that plus cancer treatment. I’ve had meltdowns at various times during this process, scared the hell out of my daughter who refused to leave me on My own A couple of times. The process through treatment from diagnosis to completing radiotherapy has taken six months and a lot of that time I felt as though I am something to be processed according to a set of targets and protocols. I’ve likened this to feelng like a piece of meat in a processing plant. My trust in the nhs wasn’t great before this but it’s close to non existent now.
I really hope that seeing a counsellor will help you to start to be able to deal with the effects that this disease has had on your body and susequently your life.
Thank you both for the support. We are here for one another. We think it's all over once last treatment but it's harder. I'm so achy and exhausted from yesterday. That was 1 afternoon - perhaps I'm not ready to go back to work? Will I ever be able to go back full time? I curse them for making me redundant knowing of my diagnosis! Yes I'm angry. I'm angry at the whole situation! Guess just feeling sorry for myself because of how I'm feeling physically.
Anger is good, it’s probably what has got you through this. Unfortunately it can also be draining as I am finding out.
You’re not sorry for yourself, just finding it hard to accept the limitations that this awful disease have imposed on you and the behaviour of your previous employer beggars belief.
You could do anything you choose, the physical stuff will improve, you’ve been through a lot, your radiotherapy regime was longer and harder than mine and you’ve a considerable amount of damage to heal and I guess that might be causing a lot of your current issues. You are a strong woman; pig headed, we agreed we both are; and may be more used to feeling in control of your life, cancer and it’s treatment takes a lot of that away. It’s a big change. It’s not age or weakness to be in the situation you are now.
I’ll get down off my soap box now.
Xx
