I have been up since 8 am and have just sat down as I write this post,  I must have done the recommended steps today, daughter, grandson and granddaughter arriving tomorrow,  washing done, bathrooms cleaned, lawn mowed, shopping for food and window cleaner been as they were filthy after the roofers had been!!  I have made hubby go out for some fresh air as he has been nowhere for days, I know he is feeling rubbish and is worried about Thursday and radiotherapy but sometimes you get stuck in a rut and need a shove, so I have shoved him!  He is coughing more but it's difficult to know whether it's the cancer or the antibiotics drying his system up.  We don't even know if the tumour has shrunk  more, sInce the end of chemo we seem to have fallen off the radar.  Is that normal I ask myself or are we expecting too much from the NHS?  I am still angry that we had this cough checked out last September and despite all the television and radio adverts telling you to report a persistent cough it took six months before our surgery twigged that it was serious.  What is the point of knowledge if your GP ignores the rules?  I am drinking chilled wine whilst typing this, it is my treat at the end of a busy day,  but it has been worth it if the family cheer him up.  

Well hubby is not in a a good mood and he is determined to try and spoil my joy at everyone coming and I know that when they arrive he will be happy go lucky!   He has wound me up to such an extent that everything I planned to do has been left because my mind is concentrating on him.  I know he is scared about Thursday and I understand that, it must be terrifying knowing what is coming.  So hopefully they will be here soon and take the onus off me so that I can share the burden with someone else for a change!  I have bought lots of things for the children to do, little handbag from the charity shop for ELLA and a minecraft sticker book for Alfie, some new tennis balls and bat so they can whack them over the eight foot hedge, thank goodness for Boyes, it's so cheap I don't mind them losing them.  Wish me a lovely time!!.   

Well the family arrive and hubby instantly brightens up.  We decide not to disturb our sleeping arrangements and get the old cot mattress out for Ella and the black and white cow blanket as it has now been named and put it on the floor by my bed,  this means I am awoken at 5.45 am by a little one needing a wee!  She won't back to sleep so I end up downloadin bbc I player for kids so we don't wake the whole house up.  Mummy gets a lie in and by nine O'clock I have already done three hours of playing, feeding and stopping her arguing with her Brother over who has whose I pad!    We take off for the indoor play park with hubby in tow but the weather is terrible so everyone has had the same idea.  Hubby is looking in pain so we all load back into the car and go home for tea and cake! He is now getting worried about today and fears what's to come, so we are staying close today to be there for him when he comes back.  I'll let you know how it goes.

It must be terrifying knowing what is coming but not really knowing.  I admire all of you going through the trauma I know I would go quiet and clean like mad as it's a coping mechanism.  Thank you for the helpful comments.   Carol

We sit around all morning waiting for patient transport,  the tension is high and hubby says I just want it over and done with. Daughter and I try to calm him down but it's difficult,  transport arrives two hours later and we all wave him off as if he's going to war, which I suppose it is,  his own battle with cancer.  I stay home not knowing when he is coming back whilst the children go to the park.  He arrives home at 5 pm full of all that has happened,  it's a doddle, nothing to worry about, the machine has a picture of lovely woods and scenery so he can watch that,  all I have to do is moisturis him with cream.  The grandchildren are fascinated by Grandma rubbing cream into Grandad and spot his hairy chest!  As for myself,  it's a long time since I rubbed cream on him!!  We all seem more settled and Ella asks if they can stay longer, yes says Mummy, happiness all round!!

It's a beautiful day but we are stuck at home playing tea parties because today I have to take hubby for radiotherapy due to transport not being available on a Saturday!   Of course the time is bang in the middle of the day so everything is put on hold.  I promise the two children I will take them to the trampoline park to work off some energy.  We went to see the Nut Job yesterday (movie)  and giggle all the way through apart from the scary bit where I end up with a chocolate covered four year old on my knee because the little  girl was pulling heads off dollies! !  Off to Bella Italian,  where the grandson goes into teenager ,mode because he wants to go to  Pizza  Express, so he and Mummy have cross words!!  Anyway we arrive home late and I find a starving hubby trying to cook his own tea, we all feel guilty for neglecting him!! Fed and watered,  daughter and I settle down with a chilled glass of wine and Coronation Street.

My last 6.00 am start and our little grandaughter doing her meerkat impression from my side of the bed, whispering,  Grandma are you awake!  Even hubby drags himselg out of bed to say goodbye,  I think he had forgotten that there are still two 7 o'clocks in a day.  We wave goodbye and the house is suddenly very quiet, we look at each other with a mixture of relief and dismay, they have gone.  8 am my mobile pings, I have fraudulent activity on our bank account.   I don't trust the number given, I ring them direct, no I have not spent this money, eventually We find out its I Tunes, the penny drops, dash downstairs to hubby, yes he authorised £1.58, that has turned into £40.00!!  Lesson learned, never give a nine year old your password! !  We decide to put it down to experience and blame hubby's lack of brain power due to radiotherapy.   Only seventeen sessions to go.  Feet up and little nap for both of us methinks.  Hope you are all Staying Strong. Xx

Hi to you, we have had a great time with the family,  it is so nice to have some fun! I hope you are doing ok. X

Hi Caz glad your hubbys treatment is going ok and you had a good time with the family. We arrived home Saturday so have been washing today. Had a great time went on 3 bike rides and a couple of short walks. Not bad considering just over 2 years ago I just finished chemo and radiotherapy. It's not an easy going through treatment and I'm sure its not easy for the partner. I told my husband " sorry love but this is the sickness and worse bit and if I get through then we are going all out on the better things". Which we are. X