We get him cough medicine and dose him up with that and we go to bed.  At 2am I'm woken by howling winds, doors banging and my window is blown open.  My insisting on having fresh air in the bedrooms is back firing badly.I get out of bed, shut all the windows, hubby moans at me saying I've woken him up!!  Back to bed and I slept until 8 am.   We have breakfast but no sign of the invalid until nearly noon.  Our relatives land and it's tea and biscuits and he perks up chatting about golf to Luke. He complains about the noise six year old Harry us making so we take off to the trampoline park for an hour.  I cook a full Sunday roast and most of it goes in the bin.  He mentioned surviving again and I just don't know what to say.   How can I answer him?  I just want to know the best or the worst, we can cope then,, five months of limbo is a long hard stretch.  I'll let you know when we do.  Carol

IT'S GOOD NEWS.  The tumour has gone from 5.7cm to 3. 2 cm!  The Oncologist ssid it's far better than she had hoped for and we now just have to get him fit. We are given twenty one days of steroids because he has such a bad cough.  I think stress has caused this and hopefully now we know , things will settle down.  Four months of nothing now until we are scanned again.  It's never going away completely but this is manageable.   It's still living on a knifes edge but the edge is not as sharp.  I think I will still write this blog as it helps me and I have lovely replies from people.   Our lives will always be cancer based but we just have to live the best we can.   Love Carol xx 

Yes, yes, yes!  So good to have such good news.  You both deserve this and I do hope that things will be less difficult for you both in the immediate future.  You should do whatever you want - I love reading your blog but if you want to climb on a table and dance a cancan then you should do that too.

Hi everyone,  we are a lot better this morning, the cough is no where near as bad although he has sweated through the pillows, my lovely cleaner Emma is here to help me for the next bunch arriving!  I have bought new bedding as Harry still has nits (I know it's  school related and an ongoing saga!)  So I would be in deep trouble if the other daughter's  children caught them.  The bedding is on a boil wash and I hope to God that I haven't got them, as Harry does live his Grandma cuddles    Knowing my life I probably will  It's snowing like mad this morning and we now have one lot going South and the others North so our stress levels are on high.  I felt really unwell last night and nibbled at my tea feeling sick and giddy.  I have held it together for so long it has finally hit me.  So an early night some buscopan and I get up feeling brighter.   My daughter kisses me goodbye and understands that although it is good news it is never going to be a normal life.  This is  sad because it stops you feeling elated.  We will get through each day as well as we can and try and live a little more once he is fitter.  The cancer is going to cause him chest problems but his mindset is happier and we cannot ask for more at the moment.  Xx

Enjoy the temporary lull - as we always say to people on this forum just live each day at a time.  Take what little victories that life offers you and enjoy the moment.  What would we be without our families?  Look after your health!

Thanks Annie, everyone safely where they should be despite the weather.  I am a lot calmer tonight, Ella is sleeping with me and my daughter has just tootle off to the bottom bunk.  Take care.  Caz  xx

My Granddaughter wakes me up at 5.30 am, snuggles into me and starts chatting away, despite my pleas to be quiet she won't !!  So by six thirty I send her into Mummy, that doesn't last long and she's back in with me and her I pad and headphones.  I give  up and we go downstairs , it's freezing cold and hubby stays in bed.  We are meant to go and see the Puppy and go to the cinema but hubby starts doing a guilt trip on me by saying he would manage on his own.  Last night he had agreed to our plans so I'm upset by his attitude.   I tell my daughter that I'm not going so we dash to Scorton, have a quick lunch,  head back North and they have shut all the Norh bound roads.  We have to go Croft,  Darlington,  Cockerton, and end up stuck behind a tractor for the next ten miles. I ring hubby, he is going to have to get there on his own I tell him.  We finally arrive back home and my daughter has bought me tulips and a big box of chocolates for Velentines day, which say because you are amazing.  A happy chocolate fest is had by all, including a frozen patched up hubby!!

Well everyone has gone!  We have packed so much into these last few days but unfortunately without hubby.   He is struggling to walk, his cough is horrendous and the noise from the children, although he loves them is too much and  he gets cross very easily.  We went to see the Puppy again who tried to eat the mini sausages that I took for Ella, she had to do a fast sprint to the central island and back safely to Grandma before Luna could get them, at one point it she had her pinned he to the work top, whilst she waved her sausage in the air out of its way, giggles all round.   Yesterday James Cook was visited by hubby amd daughter,  I thought she might have more influence on him as my words fall  on deaf ears.   It worked and he is going to be re fitted now the cancer treatmemt is suspended. I spent all morning entertaining the children and watching Shaun the sheep.  Burger lunch off to soft play and climbing wall for two hours,back home for tai green chicken curry and then I had to get ready for the ballet Romeo and Juliet at the new Hippodrome in Darlington.  Dressed by a five year olds choice I looked very sparkly! Home and bed by 11pm, awake at 6.30 am, we leave Mummy and Grandad in bed, make porridge, watch more Shaun the sheep and when the adults come down at 9.00 am they complain about the noise we have made!! So it's back to us two and we will be sad for a while and then get back into our own routine.see you tomorrow. Xx

I sleep like a baby but still wake at 6am.  I have heard hubby coughing but not as bad as he has been, hopefully the steroids are kicking in.  It's very quiet without everyone and I call Harry to wish him happy birthday.   He chats excitedly about his presents, the cards,  his cake and his party this afternoon and at the end tells me he loves me and wishes I was there, he then says to tell Grandad to get better soon.  Bless his cotton socks, hubby has had no patience with any of them and they creep around him a little scared at what he might say to them.   This s sad as he has always had a good relationship with them.  I can see them withdrawing from him and because I play and have patience it's becoming a one sided grandparent fest.  I hope as he progresses we can put this right and have some fun with him.  I have had sad news today from someone on this forum I have kept in touch with and it makes you appreciate what you have, even though he is unwell,  grumpy and sometimes infuriatingly awful to me. I don't live in his shoes and would not wish to, but the diagnosis hss helped his mood this week and some common sense conversations with daughter number one, which he won't tell me about, have helped.  I am still tidying up but intend to have the rest of the day if! !  See you tomorrow. Xx

I sleep until 9 o'clock but feel slightly down in my mood.  It's just me and hubby again and I get no tea in bed or cuddles and kisses from gorgeous cuddly grandchildren, ,I miss them all terribly and don't know when I will see them again.   I used to go down regularly to have lots of days with them, help the daughter's whilst I was there and know that hubby could look after himself.  I'm not sure this is ever going to happen again, I'm worried about the tumour growing fast as it did last year.   Four months seems a long time to leave someone with a 3. 2 cm tumour but what do I know,the Oncologist seemed to think we should just get on with it.  It's  only 3.5 degrees here again so I nip to the shop,collect papers and tea bags (they have eaten and drunk ,me out of house and home!).Hubby still needs patching up so that's done before coffee is drunk along with my usual pan a raisin.   We have a quiet morning then go to Sam Turners for bird seed.  We spot some beautiful China for the kitchen, which had hedgehogs, foxes and hares on each one, we have never been happy with the China we bought originally so hubby says to buy it.  I now have a gorgeous tea pot, sugar, tea, coffee,  milk jug, sugar basin and four new mugs.  Hubby tells the shop keeper,  we only came in for bird seed!!  It's nice to be out together and he wants to spoil me.  Going back for the cake tins during the week!!  See you tomorrow. Xx