So I leave him safely in bed and escape to zumba.  I come home at 11 am to find him munching on toast and marmalade.   Er aren't you supposed to not eat before the scan, oh no he says it's just a normal scan, I don't think so it's the main one,  get letter out and nothing to be eaten for four hours before!  It's  a bloody good job the scan isn't until after 3pm or we would be back to square one, it's  like looking after a grown toddler Anyway the leg is healing but being him he has to walk and is in pain again by the time we get back, I make him take the leg off and hide it upstairs, he would keep wearing it if I didn't and we would end up going backwards!  I am just starting to manage to escape after four weeks I am not going to be housebound again because he is stubborn.  Anyway we now have a two week wait for the outcome, so another period of not knowing what stage we are at.  See you tomorrow. 

Back to patching him up with new silver backing we have been given.  The sore on his bum is healing so my triple whammy of plaster, cushion plaster and another plaster is working,  as usual he thinks I have gone overboard but as I point out its working, so no argument is convincing me otherwise even the Elizabeth Arden cream has produced results, my daughter who left me some after Christmas and Yorkshire pudding gate and burnt elbow says she didn't think it was meant for mens bums! So I manage  to do zumba again and I was going into town but it is 4 degrees,  snowing again and freezing wind so I ditch that idea and do two weeks of ironing before it needs washing again.  So my afternoon is my own to do as I wish  A simple tea and some wine looks good and hubby has done as asked and left leg off.  Nightmare wheelchair episode yesterday at Bishop I got one that only goes forward or backwards  (I didn't realise )  so,y wheelchair driving, or lack of was pointed out to all amd sundry,  I was quite cross as I know he does this to take attention away from him being in one but I feel hurt and upset that he does this, he says he's only joking,  but my humour is not up for it.  Also the car park was full so I had to park right up the other end and the blinking pay machine wasn't working,  I had to walk four lengths of the car park to get a ticket and when I get back to him he asks me where have you been"?  He's lucky to still be alive !!!

Yesterday's post has lost itself again.  It was a bad day, he insisted on driving me into town but I wanted to drive myself so he didn't harm his leg.  I hung around whilst he washed, shaved and took his usual hour to get ready for the day, I move the wheelchair and get into trouble for that, he's lost his comfy shoes, my fault as I have Obviously moved them, no I haven't, I crawl under the table as he has kicked them under a chair whilst sitting in his wheelchair!   APPARENTLY I've also thrown his other shoes under the chair in the conservatory and should have known which leg he was wearing yesterday,  of course I should I seem to know everything else!  He wants tea to take his medication and whilst I'm doing this I'm questioned on why my new electric toothbrush is on charge AGAIN, did I read the instructions,  not that he's criticising me he adds.  I pick my handbag and coat and car keys up and he asks with a bewildered look where am I going.   I leave before he can say anymore and as I leave he shouts "what have I said"?  I stay out all day and when he gets back from seeing the nurse (if he wants to be stubborn he can get on with it) he's knocked the scab off again.  I'm too angry to even say anything,  what's the point.   Today's another day, knocked his toe badly again, perhaps he should wear the slippers I bought him, no answer, common sense isn't in his vocabulary so I patch it up with very little sympathy and go into Aycliffe for some birthday cards as It's Mary's  birthday tomorrow .  My sister in law calls do we want to go for Sunday lunch,  no he doesn't , so I'm off on my own again.  Cancer is a blight on our lives and quality has disappeared as all he has left is quantity. See you tomorrow. 

Oh my goodness; it is like a bad TV sitcom!  It's a good job you love him; if you didn't heaven knows what you would have done to him!   It strikes me he cannot be very happy.  Yes, I know that is bleedin' obvious, what has he got to be happy about.  Answer: YOU.  Many cancer patients don't have someone to wait on their every need.  You are his most valuable asset and rightly or wrongly I feel he well knows that!  Oh, Caz, I know I am not minding my own business but I don't like to read of your being upset (though pleased you let it out here).  Sometimes you just get a bum hand.  Is there some cosmic reasoning behind everything we go through - not at all sure there is.  I read all of  your posts now; you write so vividly I can almost feel the tension sometimes!  Bless you.

Hi you!  Thanks for the lovely words you have written.   The tension is palpable at times because I am pragmatic and sensible and he is the opposite, but hey opposites attract, so they say.  I know he loves me and he tells me so, he thanks me for all the help and says he couldn't manage without me.  But sometimes it's all too much for us both.  We have never had a marriage wrapped around each other, work,  hobbies,  friends, children have all intertwined and now we are in each others pockets practically twenty four seven.  He's old fashioned man of the house material and he's lost his place, he feels useless, a burden and  I take the backlash.!  We are a lot better today, I think I care too much and should leave him to do his own thing, be it right or wrong.  So pleased you read my posts.  Carol x

It's Saturday morning and I come down to make tea, read the newspaper and leave hubby in bed where he can't do any harm.  The only problem is there is no newspaper, so I ring the newsagents,  having paid my bill yesterday I'm a bit miffed!  Take his tea up and decide to have a hot shower as I cleaned the Cooker yesterday so I feel I smell of oven cleaner! I leave hubby alone, all my help and suggestions are ignored so I have made a resolution,  if he needs help he can ask for it!  Back downstairs the paper has arrived so I have toast and coffee in peace.   I call Mary and arrange to go for coffee and birthday cake at hers.   I go to Tesco grab some shopping and buy her a big bunch of tulips.  Back home hubby is looking after himself so I leave him  and drive to Mary's .  She has had a distressing week she tells me her hubby's great niece has just given birth to her first child but he  was not breathing.   Apparently they now call these little souls sleeping births.  We all think we have problems but this has put a knocked off scab into the shade.  We chat away and when I come back home he's gone out, hurrah I can wash the floor without worrying about him falling over!  All done and dusted and he's back from checking his golf buggy and has done a recce for me to get to Scorton tomorrow for tea, as the road works are taking you all round the houses as I found out last week when I went to get Luke.  That's helpful I say, steak and ale pie for tea?If that's what you want then OK,  I can't wait for our daughter to get here next week, another person will be a big help, we are definitely not ourselves.   See you tomorrow .

I have ground my teeth again and wake with a headache and a gluey eye (no idea why) I really don't want to get up but we would die of thirst if I didn't!   The sun  is shining and hubby groans when I take his tea to him,  he's dropped his false leg on his toe again and he didn't have a slipper on, so I ignore his pain!! I go for the papers and there are daffodils in the shop so I buy three bunches a to cheer me up.  Back home I'm defrosting the freezer and the garage floor is covered in water, the bird bath is filthy and there is no food out for them, oh joy, I love my life I speak it out loud so it's not still in my head.  Hubby is having a salty bath and we decide to just let nature take its course and just stick plasters on the wounds. Our house is like a chemists shop, but all the seaweed, silver,  sprays and other paraphernalia is not working in fact we both agree (there's a novelty )  to leave everything off and just cover them up.  I have a peaceful coffee and pan a raisin whilst I read the Sunday Papers and then I need to start on the jobs.  So all done, off for lunch and will leave hubby a Sunday lunch of his own, he has two legs today so hopefully he will cope!!  See you tomorrow .x By the way he asked why I had put green beans in a vase!!  (Daffodils not bloomed yet), we actually both laughed.

Laughing is far better than crying! Enjoy the rest of your day, you deserve some ‘me’ time!

Hello caz,  Damn, just squirted the tomato seeds from my cheese and tomato on toast all over my keyboard.  Break off typing to wipe off as much as possible.  I felt absolutely decadent yesterday when I bought some cheese already grated.  Glad your weather is good; it is grey in London and I am hoping the rain will hold off long enough to take take the dog for a proper walk in the park.

I am heading up to Newcastle on Tuesday for the funeral of my uncle on Wednesday.  I am meeting up with my sister plus niece and nephew in Sunderland to stay at Roker where we were born and bred.  We will see a family friend or two before we go to the funeral and return home on Wednesday afternoon/evening.  He was the last of my mother's siblings and was a kind of family patriarch.  He was 90 and had been fit until quite recently when he got the wretched flu.

Very sad sbout the stillborn baby.  I know in America they have called them "born sleeping" for some time and there is an organisation called "Now I lay me down to sleep" where volunteer professional photographers take some photos.  It is all very different from the days when stillborn babies were quickly whisked away and apparently much better for the parents' wellbeing.

My house is a mess - well more of a mess than usual.  I wanted a leaking mixer tap removed, discovered the worksurface had rotted because of the leak. Lots more complications that I had envisaged but I now have a new sink top as well.  And the back fence is still not fixed.  That is the next thing but it will have to wait until later in the week before I can even think about it.

Am glad you are having a peaceful day.  And you have your daughter coming, which will be so nice for you all.  Annie xx

I don't know what is happening to my posts, they keep disappearing.   I did a long reply to you Annie, but it's gone,  so in a nutshell thanks for the post and I hope all goes well this week.  I had a lovely Sunday lunch and it was nice to have someone else cooking.!   The puppy just wants to be tickled and played with and loved the smell of chicken dinner,  spending most of her time crawling under the table and then poking her head up between your legs in hope of food being given.   They are being strict with her so us oldies were told not to encourage this behaviour   It's a bit like being a Grandma to a puppy you forget the parents rules! Anyway hubby managed on his own, although I did cook him a full lunch and leave him eating this when I leave.  He seems to be a little happier and perhaps the folic acid is kicking in now.  I'm up early for the dentists, the gum shield is fitted and I am now fit to play rugby with my ex rugby playing son in law!  Caffè and scone and some peace reading the paper, little shop in Boyes for the grandchildren coming and I walk back in the freezing cold to the car I'll be glad to get home.  Hubby has gone to the golf club to see if he can suspend his membership as he cannot play and doesn't think it will happen anytime soon.  So we are paying a yearly fee for nothing and fees are not cheap.  I am putting my feet up for the rest of the day, for some reason I'm a little tired.   See you tomorrow.